Did your lover jilt you?
The November 26, 2011 edition of the Mirror carried a story of a cop who went on a shooting spree because he was jilted by a lover in Asankragua.
Again the December 12, 2014 edition carried a story of some Tema Marine officers who saved the life of a station fuel attendant who attempted to commit suicide by drowning into the Volta Lake because he had been jilted by a girlfriend whom he had financially supported to travel abroad but had since ignored him.
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Fact is today a relationship has become the most risky investment you can think about. Partners leave for many reasons - it may be emotional, mental, social, financial, sexual or religious.
It happens among the old and young, rich and poor, educated and illiterates and even among those known to be highly religious.
Break-ups are hardest when you invest heavily into it and least expect it to happen. Fact however is that in the real world the one you love most will leave you when you least expect it.
Being jilted, a rejection by someone who previously accepted you as a lover is common in relationships. It comes in many forms like multiple relationships, cheating, shifting attention from a relationship and breaking the covenant of marriage when you promised to love till death do you part.
Why some lovers get jilted
Both men and women get jilted by their lovers but studies show men jilt their lovers more than women. Women love to be in a relationship because it gives them emotional fulfilment, security and peace of mind.
A woman will sacrifice to hold on to a relationship and be totally committed to it. A woman who loves really gives all her heart to grow her relationship.
Not so with men because many men see a relationship as a hobby. What counts for most men is what they achieve in their career. A man will therefore jilt his lover on frivolous reasons.
Studies again show if a woman expects 10 things in a relationship but gets two she may stay and work at it but if a man expects 10 things but finds eight he may leave. Men fear long term relationship. Many fear it may fail and break down their self-esteem. Men!
In many cases the problem of people constantly jilting their lovers is rooted in their early memories. Many have experienced betrayal, let-down and abandonment and this make them to believe other lovers will also abandon them.
Ironically such people are attracted to lovers who have difficulties committing themselves to their relationship and are therefore likely to jilt their lovers. They think of jilting their lovers before their lovers jilt them.
Today many lovers leave for personal benefits like money, promotion, social status and the chance to travel abroad.
Being jilted can cause trauma, hatred, jealousy, anger and revenge. Sometimes, it causes depression and break down of life goals.
You lose trust and commitment to future relationships. You find it hard to trust anyone. All your hopes and dreams could be shattered by one act of betrayal.
Did your lover jilt you?
First feel the pain because you can never let go of betrayal without feeling it. Just withdrawing or believing you don’t care may worsen your situation.
Take responsibility for your part in the betrayal. A relationship is a dance between two people. Most of the time your partner merely reacts to the way you treat him or her. If you are dishonest, immoral, critical or selfish your partner may respond by betraying you.
Find out what happened, what went wrong and if you did enough. You may find there were tell-tale signs of betrayal which you overlooked
Heal yourself by releasing the guilt and pain. An easy and challenging way is to pray for a lover who betrays you. It would be hard to keep hurt and still pray for a lover who betrays you.
Forgiveness is the greatest cure for betrayal. You, therefore, have to forgive yourself and your lover unconditionally
Learn the hard lessons of life that with human beings there are no guarantees. The one you love most and are prepared to put your life on the line for may betray you when you least expect it and when you need him or her most
Associate with friends who make you happy. At the same time accept that you are totally responsible for your happiness. Being jilted can be painful but it does not have to end your romantic life or career.
If you handle your betrayal properly you will come out stronger, wiser, happier and more resilient.
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