Getting over loss and grief
If you’ve lost someone in your immediate family, such as a parent, brother or sister, you may feel cheated out of the time you wanted to have with that person. It can also feel hard to express your own grief when other family members are grieving, too.
Some people may hold back their grief or avoid talking about the person who died because they worry that it may make a parent or another family member sad. It’s also natural to feel some guilt over a past argument or a difficult relationship with the person who died.
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The death of a beloved friend, sibling, parent or relation can trigger strong feelings of grief. People may be surprised by how painful this loss can be.
All of these feelings and reactions are OK. But what can you do to get through them? How long does grief last? Will things ever get back to normal? And how will you go on without the person who has died?
The loss of someone close to you can be stressful. But you can cope gradually if you take care of yourself in certain small but important ways.
Here are things that may help:
. Remember that grief is a normal feeling. Know that you can (and will) heal over time. So it is advisable to be with others as much as possible. Even informal gatherings of family and friends bring a sense of support to help you not to feel so isolated in the first days and weeks of your grief.
. Talk about it when you can. Some people find it helpful to tell the story of their loss or talk about their feelings. Sometimes too others do not feel like talking, and that’s OK, too. No one should feel pressurised to talk.
. Express yourself. Even if you don’t feel like talking, find ways to express your emotions and thoughts. DonÕt worry if you feel like crying. It is a way of easing your pain. You can write how you feel or your memories of the person you lost . Or write a song, poem or tribute about your loved one. You can do this privately or share it with others.
. Exercise. Exercise can help your mood. It may be hard to get motivated and so modify your usual routine if you need to.
. Eat right. You may feel like skipping meals or you may not feel hungry, but your body still needs nutritious foods.
. Join a club at school or in church so you can have a lot of people to talk to. Talk to an adult or school counsellor about how to become involved. The thing to remember is that you don’t have to be alone with your feelings or pain.
. Let your emotions be expressed and released. Don’t stop yourself from having a good cry if you feel one coming on. Don’t worry if listening to particular songs or doing other activities is painful because it brings back memories of the person that you lost; this is common. After a while, it becomes less painful.
. Create a memorial or tribute. Plant a tree in your garden or house to remember the person you lost.