Today, it has become almost fashionable and acceptable for someone to have many lovers at a time. The young, old, singles and married are involved. Men and women are doing it. It is the sexual revolution of today.
At one time a common saying in Akan was that ‘wowo afuo a na wowo garden’, to wit if you have a farm you may also have a garden. No doubt many terms like polyandry, polyfidelity, non-monogamous and open relationships and side chicks are used as synonyms for multiple relationships now.
Why multiple relationships?
Men are born competitive and adventurous. We are made to pursue and find capturing a woman and not being caught exciting and emotionally fulfilling. Many men also have a deep desire to sleep with different women because it boosts their ego and proves their sexual prowess and virility.
Women are beautiful and attract men. The attraction between men and women is part of life. This explains why even some great men of God were known to be in multiple relationships.
Women usually get into multiple relationships for personal benefits. The economic pressure makes it hard for many women to keep one man. One pays for rent. The other pays for food, clothing and social outings. Some pay for investments. It is also a fact that some women get into multiple relationships because their topmost emotional needs like affection and companionship are not met.
Many men and women keep multiple partners as a strategy to find the right partner. Many lovers will keep their options open as they explore their alternatives. If one lets you down, others are available. Sadly, many people think the more partners you keep, the richer your personal experience in relationships.
Today, traditional Ghanaian ethics and morality are breaking down. Many women feel liberated. If a man can keep many lovers, why not a woman? Social pressure and technology such as mobile phones make it easy to keep multiple partners.
The danger of multiple relationships
Multiple relationships break down trust and commitment, the foundations of a happy relationship.
The greater the number of partners you keep, the greater your chances of future unfulfilled relationships. You know everyone is capable of cheating. Sexual guilt, a powerful emotional negative energy keeps haunting you and clouding your mind about the beauty of marriage. The paradox is that in an attempt to secure a future relationship, you kill yours before it is born.
In multiple relationships, you have to lie to cover your back. You have to keep track of names, events with who and when you did what to avoid confusion. No matter how hard you try, your secrets may explode in your face when you least expect them Your friends and relatives will get to know and label you negatively as a loose person.
Jealousy is a problem in all multiple relationships. A woman who finds her lover cheating loses her self-esteem. She feels guilty and wonders what is inadequate about her. A man who finds his woman also cheating also loses his ego and may react violently. Today, we hear of men murdering their rivals.
Multiple relationships are the root cause of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV and hepatitis. Consider these simple mathematics. You have slept with five people. Your lover has also slept with five others. If you come together you are potentially sleeping with ten people and transmitting disease-causing organisms any of you may have. And if the ten people haven’t slept with any others! A single sexual act can, therefore, be a mingling of tens, hundreds or even thousands of people.
A woman in multiple relationships has anxious moments when she gets pregnant. All the possible options are risky. She may give it to the wrong person. She may seek an abortion or decide to be a single mother. A man too has economic problems to tackle. Many men have collapsed primarily because they spent unreasonably on many women.
One man, one seat
If you are in multiple relationships, accept that it is wrong. You alone can make yourself happy and not many lovers. List the qualities of your lovers. Select the one that best matches what you want and forget the rest. You can never have all you want in one person. Angels don’t get into relationships so never expect a perfect partner to meet all your emotional needs.
Many years ago, during the revolutionary era, transportation was a big problem in Ghana and many drivers exploited the situation by putting two passengers on one seat. The few who were honest and sincere put one passenger on one seat and proudly advertised cars as “one man, one seat”. Dare to say the same to your relationship even in our difficult circumstances today.
There is nothing more fulfilling in a relationship than to have a partner to yourself and for yourself. Any happy relationship is about two committed people. Anything more than that is a crowd and a killer to the beauty of relationship. Do all it takes to have only one lover in your life. It is the only key to a fulfilling relationship. Each time, let your motto in your relationship be one man, one seat. That is what a relationship in its very nature is meant to be.