Sometimes, we speak what we do not mean or what is hard for others to understand.
In counseling, for example, it is common for a client to speak for a long time and it takes an experienced ear to dig through the rubble.
There is also the case of this young senior high school graduate who decided to get into a relationship.
He listed 10 ‘area girls’ in order of preference.
To the first, he sent a romantic voice mail which included phrases such as ‘you are the apple of my eye, you are my soul mate and l love you just as ants love sugar’.
He them forwarded the same mail to the other nine. Unfortunately, the girls got to know and he lost out.
It is obvious this young man did not mean what he said.
Words can be cheap but not so with actions because actions have five time the impact of words.
They send out messages that are more reliable than words because they say exactly what you mean.
You can speak to your spouse without words and in ways that are more effective than thousand words can.
What is love?
St Thomas Acquinas says to love is to do the will of another.
St John says to love is to die just as the Akan say ‘odo ye owu’.
Love is essentially a gift of self-sacrifice to put the needs of your spouse ahead of yours to make him or her better.
Love, therefore, costs and you must always be prepared to pay the price for loving your spouse.
You must always ‘show your love’ by the sacrifices you make for your lover to get better in all areas of his or her life.
Jesus is a perfect model of love; He loved us and showed it by His death on the cross to give us hope and salvation.
Some examples of loving through your actions
Make time for your spouse: The main purpose of marriage is companionship.
You must, therefore, put your marriage ahead of everything so that you can share activities with your spouse.
Time together promotes bonding and gives you positive self-image, security and peace of mind which are essential for human growth and development.
Go out often. Share activities you both enjoy. Share at least a meal a day.
Go to mass together and pray without ceasing for each other.
Play your roles well: A man leads a marriage by the services he provides, protects, organises, directs, inspires and influences the activities in the marriage.
Protect your lover physically, mentally and socially.
Have a vision for your marriage and make mutual decisions with your family members.
Honour your wife otherwise God will not listen to your prayers (1 Pet. 3;7).
A wife must submit to her husband.
Never attempt to take over the marriage because you are more popular, older or richer.
Be a help mate and contribute to the upkeep of the home.
Support each other: God created marriage to make us more complete because some of our needs can be met only by our spouses.
Resolve to fill in the needs of your spouse.
For example, since a husband is stronger than a wife, he must help his wife at home and not over burden her.
Unity of couples creates power as with your head, hand and heart you meet the needs of each other.
Exchange gifts often: Sharing with your spouse is human kindness. You giving creates goodwill and expels hurt and anger.
It is the easiest way to show your love.
It needs not be elaborate; it is the idea behind it that matters.
Let your gifts be regular, simple and spontaneous.
Do not wait for special occasion to give gifts.
Always remember that anything you give to make your lover better is a gift and that the best is the gift of yourself.
Each day, offer yourself as a living sacrifice for your spouse to make him or her better.
You are one flesh so if you make your spouse better you also get better.
Actions speak louder than words
Words are powerful but actions are more powerful and speak louder than words.
If you profess to love your spouse, show it by your kind actions; tangible ways by your gifts and services, intangible ways by your virtues such as forgiveness, affection, respect, compassion, sense of humour and commitment to make your lover better irrespective of how he or she treats you.
Mother Theresa says among others;
• No act of kindness is too small; it may start as a wave but with time it turns into a time tidal wave
• You can’t always do great things but can do little things with great love.
• Let us always meet each other with a smile because it is the beginning of love
• A life not lived for others is not worth living
Never underestimate the power of nonverbal communication because it is critical to the health of your marriage.
It is the kind of love that never fails.