Why I dread invitations
I went to a function recently and I have been left wondering about the way we conduct public events. Newly qualified medical doctors were being inducted onto the roll of doctors in the country. But it could have been any function really.
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When an invitation says the function starts at 9a.m., I usually take it I am expected to get there for a 9a.m. start. In this country, there is absolutely no guarantee that it would start at 9a.m.
This particular event started at 10.10 a.m, which was 10 minutes later than what I learnt the organisers had scheduled for themselves, as they were going to start at 10 a.m. We were told that as medical doctors, they knew that every second counts and 10 seconds can make the difference between life and death. They boasted that their functions always start on time, and I suppose a delay of 10 minutes can be tolerated in our circumstances.
But what about those of us who think we have been invited for 9a.m and therefore get there at 8.47a.m? I wonder if there are any accepted practices we can all adopt. An invitation for 9a.m. would probably mean guests should be seated by 9.30a.m. and the function will start at 10a.m.
I don’t mind getting to the site at 9.25. and the function starts at 10a.m.; but when I get there by 8.45a.m. and the function starts at 10 or 10.30 or sometimes even later, then I mind very much. Of all the things that upset me about this country, this lackadaisical attitude towards the start time for functions ranks very high on my list.
I squirm with embarrassment at official functions when diplomats and foreign guests sit for hours waiting for a function to start because they take the time on their invitation cards at face value. I get even more upset when we deliberately invite people for 10 a.m. when we know we shall start at 11 a.m. or even 12 noon.
I am told that this stratagem is adopted because it is assumed that people will be late, and I understand that we as a people think it is okay to be late.
I have even been told that there is a cultural dimension to this phenomenon and people make jokes about Ghana Mean Time. I dispute this claim. Every time I have had to attend a meeting in Abutia that is scheduled for 4.30 a.m. or 5 a.m. (yes, the day does start that early) everybody is there on time. I can’t make a similar claim for meetings that are scheduled for 9 a.m or noon or 2 p.m.
I know that tradition supposedly allows brides to arrive a few minutes late for their weddings; but I have been in some ludicrous situations in this country and I have no idea what to expect when I have to attend a wedding.
We were once invited for a wedding that was for 11 AM PROMPT. We decided we wanted to avoid the long introductory ceremonies and the first two offertory sessions in the church. We arrived fashionably late at 12. 30 p.m. The bride arrived at 1.30 p.m. And we left the service at 3pm.(The invitation said 11 AM PROMPT).
I had expected there would be general uproar among the invited guests, but I noticed no one complained and no one even commented. Did I miss something? Was I expected to understand that an invitation to an 11am wedding meant 1.30 pm?
I am not quite sure which is worse; when guests arrive at 4.30 p.m. when they have been invited for lunch at 1.p.m. or when you are invited for lunch at 12.30 and the food is served at 3.15 p.m.
We politicians have the unenviable reputation for being the reason most official functions start late and I suspect much of this is well earned. But I can testify on my own behalf that as a Minister of State, I never arrived late for any function I had been invited to. On the contrary, I often arrived to see chairs being arranged and sound systems being installed.
Could it be that they were late with their arrangements because they expected I would be late? And could it be that some ministers and officials are also late because they expect the organisers to be late?
In which case can we call a truce and start with all sides expecting 11a.m. to be 11am or could we all be let in on the secret that an invitation for 11a.m. means a 12 noon start? Then our diplomats and foreign guests can understand our unspoken language and when it says 11a.m. on their invitation cards, they would get to the functions at 11.45a.m. and we shall all be saved a lot of embarrassment.
Chairmen and prayers
Now I have got that off my chest, I can move to the other things that puzzle me about public functions. What are Chairmen for at these functions? They certainly don’t chair the functions as is normally understood; as we have MCs, a role often played quite expertly by radio programme hosts. They do what in the old days, chairmen did at functions.
So why do we still have chairmen? Could it be another example of the reluctance to let go of any layer of bureaucracy long after the role had become obsolete?
What about the opening and closing prayers at the functions. I wonder if we can agree on the form and length of prayer at public functions. I have sat through prayers that sound like the speech that the guest of honour would be making and I have found myself having to mumble through some obligatory song that always now precedes the prayers. Are we all expected to know these songs?
When a guest speaker is being introduced, do we really have to go through three pages of his curriculum vitae? Do we really have to know which kindergarten he attended, or that he was dining hall prefect at school and how many conferences he attended?
I always cringe when it comes to acknowledging the “dignitaries”. We are told we are all VIPs at the function and this is meant to assuage our egos, just in case we see ourselves as dignitaries and our names are omitted from those being acknowledged.
Then we go through the rigmarole of everybody thanking everybody and then someone, often the lone female, being called upon to “move the vote of thanks”. Every once in a while the person has an interesting turn of phrase and it seems worthwhile, but often, it is the most boring part of the function.
We must find a way to make our functions start on time; a stated time understood and accepted by us all. We must try and cut out all the boring parts, such as adding people to the line-up on the stage to play redundant roles.
The first two minutes of every speech should not be taken up with having to acknowledge all the dignitaries and then, say “all protocols observed”. And can the functions please not go on and on and on, so that we have something to look forward to the next time.
The induction ceremony for the new doctors, once it got going, was most pleasant and business-like. It left you with the feeling you want to attend another one again. Pity the poor diplomats. Their hearts must sink each time another invitation card arrives asking them to a function at 10 a.m. prompt.
