1. They Schedule s*x
Scheduling s*x tends to “take away all the very real excuses I could otherwise use, like that I’m exhausted after working and getting the kids to bed,” says Holly Jenkins*. For couples in long-term relationships, planning a romantic interlude leads to a higher-quality, more enjoyable s*xual experience.
2. They’re Quick
Couples who maintain a good s*x life during challenging times—particularly when they’re new parents—have learned to perfect the quickie. If you can figure out how to use 20 minutes to your advantage, then you can avoid dry spells in your s*x life. Think of a place or time when the s*x was amazing, and use it like a meditation.
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3. They Communicate
There’s no other way to understand what your partner wants, needs or enjoys other than talking. “Save those conversations for when you’re not having s*x,” says Gilchrest O’Neill. “Though, in the actual moment, speak up about small adjustments your partner can make to increase enjoyment.”
4. They Have a Lock
Even if you don’t have a physical lock, creating a sense of boundaries is key, says Sacha Mohammed—married 14 years, with 7 children. “I always made sure the children were put to bed on time when they were little so my husband and I could have our time together; the kids were also taught to always knock to announce their presence.” According to Zdrok Wilson, “each couple needs to evaluate their environment and determine the optimal conditions for great s*x.”
5. They Experiment
“Be open to different ways of expressing yourself sexually,” says Jenkins. You have to find the right balance: Don’t be so conventional that it’s boring, but don’t be so adventurous that you lose your intimacy—or level of comfort. Maybe just get out of the house. “Many couples report that they have the best s*x when they’re not at home,” says Zdrok Wilson.
6. They Avoid Excuses
Don’t let excuses take on a life of their own. To use one example, the kids aren’t needy babies forever, and before you know it, s*x is so far on the back burner that it’s fallen completely off the stove. “Brainstorm solutions to the things that get in the way of having s*x,” suggests Gilchrest O’Neill. However, if the root of your excuses isn’t fixable—and there are underlying problems or resentments—then consider seeing a therapist.
7. They Look Good
It’s not just about pleasing your partner’s eye. Taking care of yourself makes you feel good about yourself. Not only that, but your libido is dependent on your overall health. “When you feel unhealthy, tired, ill or lacking in energy, you’re not likely to be motivated to engage in regular s*xual activity,” says Zdrok Wilson. So, do whatever makes you feel sexy, and he’s guaranteed to notice.