Being fathers
No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nurture and education. — Plato
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A good father is one of the most unsung,un-praised, unnoticed and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society — Billy Graham.
There is that Ghanaian musician whose song points out that to be a man is not that easy, but to be a father is even more challenging. We always bemoan the lot of single mothers, not because of any deficiency in emotional support, but because of financial distress.
However, when it comes to the single father, the money aspect may be the least of a bother; the real problem is the emotional satisfaction. This is so because of the warped nature of our society where the man is rarely exposed to household chore, the least being in the upbringing of children.
Most men do not know nor understand how children are brought up. All they do is provide money for the upkeep of the children. However, money cannot provide bonding nor promote discipline in the home. Perhaps, that is why Mother’s Day has more focus and attention than Father’s Day.
Beyond the question of public interest is also the fact that Mothers’ Day falls before Fathers’ Day, and deservedly takes the shine. Whatever one may think, the reality is that there are a fewer number of women who could completely abandon their children, for whatever reason, whilst it is more common for men to neglect their children, even on the flimsy excuse of divorce, as if the child has any responsibility in maintaining the relationship between the parents.
Last Sunday was observed as Father’s Day, and in many churches, the day was used to honour men, with the men’s fellowships in the forefront of the celebrations.
But is it every man who is a father? Put another way, is the father only the man who has begotten biological children or the man who takes responsibility for the upbringing of children? These are some of the issues that we have to discuss to give meaning to the observance of the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day.
The role of the father in the Akan family, where inheritance is matrilineal, tells a story. The requirements are that to demonstrate that the nephew is fit to inherit the uncle, he must put up a character that he is the son of the father. Fathers are equally enjoined to bring up their children fittingly. The children are supposed to gain wealth and position from the mother but their character, integrity and knowledge from the father.
To contextualise it, the rule is, “Senea ebeye na oba befata se odi ne wofa adee nti, ese se obu ne bra de kyere se oye n’agya oba pa” and that “ eye agya biara asodie se otete ne ba de no si nea eye wo asetena mu”.
Fathers must accept the fact that they have unqualified responsibility and commitment towards their children, not because when the children grow they would have to look after their parents but because the children did not have any hand in choosing who their fathers are.
What it means is that in discharging our obligations towards our children, the focus must not be that they owe us any obligation but because it is our bounden duty to do so, for our own good name in future.
So, whether we stand to benefit from the children or otherwise, we have to perform our obligation to them.
Indeed, under the Akan custom, the father has an obligation towards the upbringing of children so that they do not grow up to be liabilities to their mothers and families.
Fathers must demonstrate responsibility towards their children and reduce the burden on women in the care of children because it takes a man and a woman to give birth to children. It is not every child who will grow up and take care of their parents, but that does not mean that fathers must not meet their obligations towards their children.
We must begin to examine why issues about mothers are taken seriously by children, but not so much when fathers are involved. It is not that children do not appreciate their fathers, but when they note how much their fathers burden their mothers in their upkeep, they naturally bond more with their mothers than fathers.
We must never renege on our duties as fathers because any wayward conduct is traced to the father. We must do what has to be done to influence our children productively since responsible children are a glory to their fathers, as Proverbs 10:1 says, “ A wise son brings joy to his father; but a foolish son grief to his mother.”
