Do you submit to your man?
About a month ago, there was a story on our airwaves about a rich man who had sacked his wife. And the reason? Well, when his wife informed him that she was contesting for a parliamentary seat, he rejected the idea claiming that in Ghana, a woman has to be loose to make it in politics.
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His wife, however, went ahead and contested the seat. She lost but her husband saw this as an act of insubordination and left her. Was she right and was he right?
Who leads in marriage?
Our God, who is the author of marriage, is a God of order. By His good plans for marriage, the man must lead a marriage irrespective of his age, academics or wealth.
God puts the responsibility of marriage on the husband because He has given man greater strength and natural ability to lead, protect, organise, direct and influence the activities in the marriage.
He has the power to control his emotions and love a woman the way she could never be loved. A man sees this as a sign of competence and fulfillment. He thrives on his role as head and identifies himself by his competence, efficiency and power. No man takes anything less than leading his marriage.
Who submits?
There can be no two leaders in any social set up. If the man leads, the woman must submit or yield obedience to ordained authority as unto the Lord.
Submission must, therefore, be continuous irrespective of circumstances . It involves the woman’s attitude and actions. A woman must submit to her husband. If you are not ready to do so, then do not marry. You cannot have your cake and eat it.
Appreciate, however, that a woman does not have to submit to everything, especially if her husband’s demands are unreasonable, contrary to her dignity, harmful, immoral or sinful.
For example, if your man wants you to conceal drugs on you so that you earn dollars you must reject his idea. In the above story, the woman should have given up the contest when her husband did not want it. The man was also too harsh with his wife.
In most cases, divorce has never been a solution but the problem. It is also a fact that sometimes the decision to submit or not is a close call. For example, many clients come in to complain that their husbands are preventing them from pursuing further studies.
The men give many reasons for their stand but the underlying fact is that furthering studies academically put the women above their men and many men cannot stand that because it threatens their ego.
This year, two cases came in from women who suggested building houses so that their families would move from their rented homes. Their husbands rejected their idea apparently because they didn’t have the means to build.
When these husbands found out that their women had gone ahead to build behind their backs, they sacked their women. Men and their ego!
The challenge in submission
Today, due to education and other interventions the ‘eyes of our women are open’ and many attempt to take over marriage, especially when they see themselves as more capable, older or richer.
They insist that the better-endowed person, irrespective of sex, leads a marriage and that a woman must not submit to a man who is incompetent and lacks drive or vision.
Some women leaders are challenging why only men must lead and Nancy Lehmann’s 1971 Declaration of Feminism said among others ‘..we must work to destroy marriage, a necessary condition for the liberation of women..’ Power struggle is common in many marriages and has led to collapse of many relationships.
Do you submit to your man?
You husband is God’s representative in your marriage. If you do not submit to him, you do not submit to God. If you have any respect for God the easiest way is not through prayers, reading the Bible or going to church but by godly acts and submission to your husband.
You must, therefore, submit to your husband and allow him to assume his God-appointed role just as Christ submits to His Father.
Make mutual decisions but let your man make the final decisions. He may get it wrong sometimes but he will learn from his mistakes. Avoid challenging his decisions, showing contempt or comparing him to others you perceive as better husbands.
Do not force your opinion on him, especially by using sex as weapon.
Avoid power struggle. Never attempt to run the show because you are older, richer, more qualified or in a higher position. Power struggle puts your man down and deflates his ego. A kingdom divided against itself will be ruined.
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A man is commanded by God to love his wife but God also commands us to love one another . A woman is commanded to submit to her husband but God also commands us to submit unto each other out of reverence for Christ . A woman submits out of love and the man loves out of submission.
That does not make a woman inferior to a man. For a man to love her woman, she must first submit to him and for a woman to submit to her man, he must first love her. To love you must submit and to submit you must love. None is better or worse than the other and none can exist without the other.
This is a simple rule for women; If you want your man’s love do not look outside you. If you submit to him you show your love in important ways and get more than you ask for because you put him on a never-ending path to make you happy. Always remember that submission generates your man’s love. Without it, there can be no love. You must, therefore, show your love for your man by submitting to him.