‘Cross-examined” by a 7-year-old?
Recently, “Akos” and her three children aged between seven and twelve visited us.
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Akos is the daughter of a friend, and grew up together with our children. In our culture, she is considered our daughter and by extension her children our grand kids.
As they chatted with my “Manager” after exchanging pleasantries with me, I heard the children ask her questions I thought were difficult to answer.
Taking a look at our family photograph, they enquired about each of our three children.
When “Manager” told them our eldest passed on many years ago before they were born, I had hoped the conversation would change for a more pleasant topic, but not for the kids. They inquisitively asked, “Why did he die? What killed him? Where is he now? Is he in heaven? Are you sad?”
There was no let-up for “Manager.”
Cross-examination
When I joined them, the seven-year old came to me and asked “Uncle, what is your name?” I corrected her,asking her to address me as “Grandpa,” and not “Uncle!” To my surprise, the compliance I expected to this simple correction was quickly rebuffed. She shot back at me saying “but you look too young to be a grandpa, so you are Uncle!”
Unprepared for this, I educated her that, her grandpa and I are contemporaries/colleagues, and therefore, I am equally her grandpa.
Still unimpressed, she asked, “Uncle, how old are you?” When I confidently bellowed “seventy” at her, I thought that would finally impress her into submission, but no! I could not believe my ears when rebelliously, she shrugged it off with “seventy? Okay, then you are a big boy! But my grandpa is still older than you!”With that, she left me unceremoniously.
Questions
When I told colleagues about my encounter with the seven-year-old, they had a good laugh at me. Rather uncharitably, one said, “so, it took a seven-year old kid only a few minutes to demolish a whole General?”
The discussion had questions like this:
1. When we were their ages, could we as 7-year-olds have told our grandpas/contemporaries what I was told?
2. Is it confidence or disrespect that makes them ask such questions?
3. Has exposure to knowledge including TV and social media made them more inquisitive and adventurous than we were two generations ago?
4. Is this good or bad for our society’s development?
Discussion
Starting with the premise that, society is dynamic and therefore constantly changing, sometimes fast but generally slowly, we agreed that our grandkids’ era is different from what we experienced with our grandparents. We grew up in a period where children were not encouraged to ask questions. Indeed, sometimes inquisitive children were frowned upon, and scolded as bad/disobedient kids. The result was a withdrawal into their shells. Some children therefore grew up timid, docile and passive. This contrasts markedly with other cultures where kids keep asking constantly, “why, why, why,” until they are satisfied.
The 1919 Nobel Peace Prize laureate, American President Woodrow Wilson said, “if you want to make enemies, try making changes!” In effect humans resist change.
Others have opined similarly that, even though change is the most permanent feature of life, change is difficult to accept, particularly if the status-quo appears comfortable, and change disturbs/destroys it.
Elizabeth Ohene
In Graphic Online on 20th December 2023 Madame Elizabeth Ohene wrote on the topic “Can we have homes fit for Ghana?” Below is an excerpt.
“If I have been baffled by the look of our buildings, I have been dismayed by the composition of the structures even more. How were we all lured into believing that a bathroom in Ghana must have a bathtub?
It is not difficult to see how bathtubs would be important elements in the house when it is freezing, and you are desperate to get your body warm before you get into bed. But when you need a bath to wash away the sweat and cool yourself down before you get into bed, why would you want to stay in water with your sweat?
The concept of washing the body and having a bath is understood differently in the tropics and cold regions. Because the temperate and cold climate people have this bathtub, we have also been made to believe that it should be part of a bathroom fixture.
Having spent a lot of money to fix a bathtub, we then stand in it and put a bucket of water in it to wash the body. Or, if you are lucky to have a shower, you stand in the bathtub and use the shower.
Most people in this country who have bathtubs in their bathrooms have never had that famous soaking of the body in a bubble bath. And yet some don’t stop at a regular bathtub but spend good money on an expensive jacuzzi, which then stays unused in the bathroom and gathers dust.
Interestingly, many people are now removing their bathtubs from their bathrooms to have unencumbered shower spaces. It appears, however, that you need courage to decide not to have a bathtub or jacuzzi installed in the first place.
I am certain that our architects could, if they wanted, design houses for us that would reflect our culture and our environment and make home construction generally cheaper.
Unfortunately, it appears they do not see it as being in their interest to design houses that would not need air-conditioning, bathrooms with bathtubs that are never used or kitchens that acknowledge that we cook palm soup, “koobi” and “momoni.”
If our architects start doing that, it will be like our lawyers abandoning their gowns and wigs. They won’t feel special and that won’t do.”
Being grilled by a seven-year-old is not pleasant, but Elizabeth Ohene’s submission on the need for an architectural change in Ghana perhaps underscores the fact that culture is not static, and must respond to change for improving society.
While seven-year olds must not be stopped from askingquestions, they must also be taught the old values of respect/courtesy/honesty/integrity and discipline, which are currently missing, but necessary for Ghana’s development.
Leadership, lead by example! Fellow Ghanaians, WAKE UP!
The writer is a Former CEO, African Peace Support Trainers Association, Nairobi, Kenya and Council Chairman, Family Health University College, Accra
Email: [email protected]
