When a runaway spouse seeks a comeback
Women find great emotional fulfilment and security in marriage and will do all it takes for their marriages to work. Not so with men.
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They have difficulties holding on to challenging marriages and would leave them to protect their ego. Later they realise their mistake and some attempt to seek a comeback.
The test case
Imagine the case of a couple who started life from scratch. The woman greatly supported the man and their business peaked in a short time. Then the man felt he deserved something better. ‘And women be what?’
He kept changing girlfriends and finally landed on his wife’s closest friend. The man moved out of his home to stay with her.
He bought a car and a house for her. They were all over the globe on holidays.
Meanwhile his family was suffering but he ignored them.
His wife had to sell some personal properties to keep the children in school. Fortunately, all the four children have made it. They have built a house for their mother and they give her more than she needs.
This husband was spending more than his income and when he crashed financially, the girlfriend sent him out of her house. He moved into a family house and had to do with a ‘hall and chamber’ with no water or electricity.
He couldn’t handle his negative emotions and now he is diabetic and has stroke. Now almost a vegetable, he is pleading through family and church elders to be accepted back into his matrimonial home.
Friends and relatives of the woman say she would be a fool to allow him home. What would you do if you were this wife?
When a runaway spouse seeks a comeback
Examine closely what made your man leave. A humble examination may show you were part of the problem because every marital conflict is a shared issue.
Your spouse merely responds to what you do. This means if your marriage is constantly under stress, chances are you are part of the problem and must be part of the solution. Possibly, you drove your spouse away without knowing.
Again we are all human, with the tendency to hurt each other. Sometimes the one you love most will hurt you most. Love costs and this is the price you pay for loving.
You must have admired some good qualities of your spouse before marriage – the fun times, the gifts and the special moments you shared. Think about these and other things you can’t quantify.
Your spouse is part of your history and sometimes when a spouse leaves, he or she gives you an opportunity to be stronger and wiser. You get the motivation to succeed. A spouse abandoning you could be your Maker’s good plan for your life.
Again, remember that whatever a spouse does to you, you can equally do the same to him or her. If you haven’t done it, it is not your strength but as some put it, it is by God’s grace.
God, therefore, commands you to forgive because if you don’t He says He will never forgive you.
You must, therefore, forgive your spouse for whatever grievances you have against him/her and deeply from your heart.
Remember that marriage is a covenant and, therefore, meant to last your lifetime. See a spouse’s separation as a test of your faith and commitment to the vows you pledged before God.
Marriage is indissoluble and contrary to what some fake pastors make us believe, God, who is the author of marriage, has no escape clauses to His warning that He hates divorce.
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Welcome party and a new life
In the gospels, we read of the parable of the prodigal son. He left home, spent all he had but when he went back the father forgave him and received him unconditionally.
In the test case above, the children went for their father and brought him home to be reunited with their mother. With effective counseling, they are happily reunited.
Is your runaway spouse seeking a comeback, take him or her back, throw a homecoming party for your spouse and start a new life. This is true love, the type that never fails.
If you forgive your spouse you will be blessed by your Maker and He will restore to you in 10-fold what you lost.
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Resolve to forgive your spouse and stay united.
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon.
He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love’
(Jydboakye.yahoo.com)
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