Are you a selfish lover?

BY: Dr John Boakye
A selfish lover is  concerned about his or her own needs, wants and desires
A selfish lover is concerned about his or her own needs, wants and desires

If you love someone, it is not about how you feel about him but what you do to make him better.

According to Saint John, love is about dying for someone.

To die in this context means to help someone, especially in moments of greatest need without expecting a reward.

Unfortunately, most lovers have poor view of love.

They get into relationships only to seek their needs and suffer for lack of understanding. If true purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.

Who is a selfish lover?
A selfish lover is truly concerned about his own needs, wants and desires.

The needs of his or her partner does not count.

He or she selects a partner only because he or she will meet his or her needs.

A man selects a beautiful woman and demands regular sex because it enhances his ego.

A woman selects a popular and a rich man because she is assured of money and security.

A selfish person treats his lover as an object to be used not as a person to care for and love by the sacrifices he makes for her.

Effect of selfishness
A selfish partner harms his lover mentally and emotionally.

He may be controlling and violent. His lover loses his self-esteem and may be depressed.

Some become victims of sustained abuse and infidelity.

In most cases, partners cannot trust each other.

Communication and companionship are poor and it becomes difficult to express true love and to maintain a healthy relationship due to constant anger and conflict.

With selfishness, you seek instead of giving.

It is the greatest cause of conflicts in all relationships.

Getting rid of selfishness
Develop a positive mental attitude about yourself, lover and the relationship: If you see your lover as good, you focus on the positive aspect of the relationship and how to help your lover by the sacrifices you make.

Know your partner very well.

Know his strengths and weaknesses: Commit daily to help improve your lover and make life easier for him.

Put the needs of your lover ahead of yours.

If there is anything your lover wants, see it as important and just do it.

Love has a price to pay by the sacrifices that you make for him.

This becomes easier if you keep reminding yourself of the things you love about your lover.

Make conscious effort to grow virtues that enhance true love, kindness, respect, forgiving spirit, generosity, courtesy, self-restraint, responsibility in your daily life will help you overcome selfishness.

When it comes to watching television, men usually love exciting or adventurous film, while women love romantic film.

If you love her, watch the romantic movies with her.

On the other hand, a man loves privacy, while a woman loves attachment.

Are you a selfish lover?
Look inside you. If you are a selfish lover, you know you.

Everything and anything stops with you irrespective of what your lover thinks or feels.

Accept that selfishness has no place in a happy relationship.

If you follow someone for your personal needs, your lover may meet someone who has something better than you have to offer.

Put your lover first in your life and be committed to help him improve himself.

If your lover gets better, you benefit because you can only respond positively to his positive actions.

On the other hand, if you put yourself first, you only look at what satisfies you to the exclusion of your lover.

Always remember that selfishness is your worst enemy.

It will kill your relationship before it is born. Get rid of it and become a better lover.

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