Sometimes, we speak what we do not mean or what is hard for others to understand.
n counselling, for example, it is common for a client to speak for a long time and it takes an experienced ear to dig through the rubble.
There is also the case of this young senior secondary school graduate who decided to get into a relationship. He listed 10 ‘area girls’ in order of preference.
To the first, he sent a romantic voice mail which included phrases like “you are the apple of my eye, you are my soulmate and l love you just as ants love sugar’. He then forwarded the same mail to the other nine.
Unfortunately, the girls got to know and he lost out. It is obvious this young man did not mean what he said.
Words can be cheap but not so with actions because actions have five time the impact of words. They send out messages that are more reliable than words because they say exactly what you mean.
You can speak to your spouse without words and in ways that are more effective than thousand words can. Actions, therefore, speak louder than words.
What is love?
Akans say "odo ye owu" or to love is to die for another. Love is essentially a gift of self-sacrifice to put the needs of your spouse ahead of yours to make him or her better.
Love, therefore, costs and you must always be prepared to pay the price for loving your spouse. You must always ‘show your love’. Jesus is a perfect model of love.
He loved us and showed it by His death on the cross to give us hope and salvation. Therefore, if you really love someone, just don’t say it. Walk your talk.
Some examples of showing your love
Make time for your spouse: The main purpose of a relationship or marriage is companionship. You must, therefore, put your marriage ahead of everything so that you can share activities with your spouse. Time together promotes bonding and gives you positive a self-image, security and peace of mind which are essential for human growth and development.
Go out often. Broaden your sphere of interest. Try new adventures and hobbies. Share activities you both enjoy. Share at least a meal a day. Watch films or TV together in close touch. Do a symbolic act of service; a woman can wash her lover’s car; a man can serve his woman breakfast in bed.
Touch each other often: Studies show touching is an asset for calming anxiety, transferring courage, alleviating stress, depression and blood pressure. It, therefore, improves emotional and physical health. A tender touch, while your lover is doing ordinary tasks like preparing a meal or reading a newspaper, communicates loving messages that speak more than words can. It is also known that holding hands or hugging produces chemicals that sustain long-term relationships
Shower together: There is something about bathing your spouse that makes him or her feel cared for and pampered. It is a good way to relax each other. As the gentle water massages you both, you can add the thrill of touching and clinging. Showering together improves your love life; it is mutually pleasant and satisfying.
Spice up your sexual love: It is what makes marriage a marriage and the deepest form of communication. Try new positions: man on top, sideways, standing, sitting and rear. Try new places: hall, bathroom, kitchen and any place safe and secure. Vary the times: morning and afternoon. You may rush home for an ‘afternoon jump’.
Try oral sex: It is subtle, sensitive and amazing and provided you can overcome your inhibitions, it truly offers exquisite pleasure. Contrary to popular opinion, the female genitalia are the cleanest organ in the body because it is the only one that is self-cleansing and self-rejuvenating. Oral sex, therefore, has lesser risks than kissing because the mouth has over 500 germs and bacteria.
Play your roles well: A man leads a marriage by the services he provides. You provide, protect, organise, direct, inspire and influence the activities in the marriage. Have a vision for your marriage and make mutual decisions with your family members. Honour your wife otherwise God will not listen to your prayers (1 Pet. 3:7)
A wife must submit to her husband. Never attempt to take over the marriage because you are more popular, older or richer. Be a help mate and contribute to the upkeep of the home.
Support each other: God created marriage to make us more complete because some of our needs can be met only by our spouses. Resolve to fill in the needs of your spouse. For example, since a husband is stronger than a wife, he must help his wife at home and not overburden her. Unity of couples creates power as with your head hand and heart you meet the needs of each other.
Exchange gifts often: Sharing with your spouse is human kindness. Your giving creates goodwill and expels hurt and anger. It is the easiest way to show your love. It needs not be elaborate; it’s the idea behind it that matters. Let your gifts be regular simple and spontaneous. Do not wait for special occasions to give gifts. Always remember that anything you give to make your lover better is a gift and that the best is the gift of yourself. Each day, offer yourself as a living sacrifice for your spouse to make him or her better. You are one flesh so if you make your spouse better you also get better.
Walk your talk
Words are powerful but actions are more powerful and speak louder than words. If you profess to love your spouse show it by your kind actions; tangible ways by your gifts and services and intangible ways by your virtues such as forgiveness, affection, respect, compassion, sense of humour and commitment to make your lover better irrespective of how he or she treats you.
Keep talking but what is important is to walk your talk. Never underestimate the power of non-verbal communication because it is critical to the health of your marriage. Where your words fail you, try godly actions and you will be glad you did. The best way to show your love is to walk your talk.