The Mirror's Health , Lifestyle and Fashion
Save your marriage at all costs
Yesterday, the commonest word you spoke was love but today it is divorce.You put work, friends, children, money and extended family members ahead of their marriage.
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You argue about the same problem over and over again without a solution. You then withdraw as you refuse to discuss issues again. You build hurt and distrust.
Some men aim at intimidating their partners to erode their self-esteem. They, therefore, make unrealistic demands.
Some withdraw their assistance. Some cheat hoping to get what they are missing in their marriages. There is secrecy, boredom, selfishness, dishonesty, criticism, immorality, quitting habits, inequality, substance abuse and poor communication.
The bottom line is that your emotional needs are not met; while a man needs respect, sex and domestic care, a women needs affection, companionship, commitment and financial security.
You think about leaving your marriage hoping to find peace and security outside your marriage. Fact is that there can be no better life after marriage.
God hates divorce and so must you. It is, therefore, advisable that each day you develop the attitude of always saving your marriage and never making divorce an option.
How to save your marriage
Have a positive mental attitude about your marriage. Nothing good will come to you except what you put in your mind.
If you focus on the good things you share in your marriage and see your marriage as good and worth keeping, your efforts will produce good results.
Have a clear idea of your problems and be determined to resolve them. Put the focus on yourself and see what you can do better. Your partner cannot make you happy. Only you can.
Avoid the blame game and accept your part of the problem. A marriage is a two-way dance. If you put all the blame on your lover and expect him to change first, you put the solutions out of your reach.
On the other hand, if you take first step to work at your problems, you get better and so does your marriage. See what you can do differently and better and just do it.
Your relationship will improve because your partner merely reacts to what you do. This means most of the time it takes one committed partner to fix a marriage. Let it be you.
A woman must appreciate that a man sees taking the first step as a sign of weakness and may not do it. This means that if your man is not doing anything about your problems, it simply means that he expects you to take the first step. If you do, he will follow you. Men and their ego!
Appreciate your differences. You would always have problems because men and women are different mentally, socially, emotionally, financially, spiritually and sexually.
The fact that you have problems, therefore, does not mean there is something wrong with it. Cope with your differences and keep encouraging each other.
Spend time together
Communicate effectively. Choose words of hope, faith respect, love and affirmations. Learn to listen to your lover’s complaints with empathy and openly discuss your concerns. It is also good you learn to apologise even when it may not entirely be your fault.
Forgive unconditionally. Always remember nothing fixes a relationship better than forgiveness. It is a magical cure for your marriage. In addition, anytime you forgive, you heal yourself mentally, physically and spiritually.
Have sex regularly. It is the deepest form of communication and wonderful make up. Good sex gives personal growth, true intimacy, committed love and a happy marriage.
Share a meal. Go out often and exchange gifts often. Find common ground and do activities you both enjoy. Call and text very often. Touch each other often. Time together creates bonding.
Work on your marriage
Fact is saving a failing marriage can be extremely tough. No wonder today global studies show 60 per cent of all marriages break down.
The good news is that studies show 99.9 per cent of all marriages can be saved. This means many people leave their marriages needlessly because they have the myth of living happily forever.
However, once you leave your marriage, it is almost over with you. No wonder today studies suggest 90 per cent of partners who leave their marriages regret their action.
Marriage is the most difficult work in the work for life and therefore harder than ‘wo ara tu wo ara sa’ (manual digging).
However, if you work on your marriage it will work and you will never make divorce a solution because divorce has never been a solution but divorce. You must, therefore, constantly work on your marriage to enjoy its amazing benefit.
Happily, it takes one committed spouse to turn a failing marriage around. Let it be you.
Always remember that conflicts are part of life and part of all marriages. The fact that you see conflicts does not mean your marriage is bad.
Conflicts are reminders that you have to work harder on your marriage. Again, appreciate that conflicts in marriage are like diseases. The longer you wait in treating it, the harder to treat it.
Studies show partners who stay in difficult marriages and work on their problems to save their marriages are happier than those who leave their marriages.
This means as soon as you see signs of conflicts, work on it to capture your lovers mind, heart and soul. Marriage by its very divine nature is indissoluble. Therefore, do all it takes to save your marriage.
'A husband and wife may disagree on many things. But they must absolutely agree in this. Never ever give up (Author unknown)
Marriage has amazing benefits to individuals in marriage their children and society but divorce destroys individuals, children and society.
Therefore, stay married and stay blessed.
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