Mercy — a gift from the heart

It is impossible to get into a relationship and have conflicts because conflicts are part of life and, therefore, part of all relationships. Sometimes the one you love and trust most will hurt you most.

What you do when you see conflict is what determines the health of your relationship. When you handle your conflicts well your relationship grows healthier.

One powerful weapon to restore your relationship is to show mercy, the act of forgiving your lover and not treating him or her severely when you have a good reason and authority to punish him or her.

Imagine the story of a 30-year-old wedded man who went to the US to study. When he came back after four years he was shocked to find his wife had just given birth. They never met while he was away and, therefore, did not give the ‘banker’ number.

The wife confessed that an old friend who was home on holidays invited her out. They ate and drank. She lost her inhibitions and one ‘shot ‘did the damage. She adds that all relatives and friends advised her to abort the baby but she refused. She had committed a blunder and wouldn’t commit a more serious crime.

Everybody advised the man to leave the marriage. Some Christians in their ignorance quoted bible verses and misinterpreted them to support their claim. Luckily after three counseling sessions the man decided to take back his wife and adopt the child. He showed mercy.

Importance of mercy

Mercy reminds you of your human weakness. It makes you appreciate the weakness of your lover. You acknowledge if it happened to your lover it could happen to you.  

You are capable of doing whatever harm your lover has done against you. You then accept your lover as he or she is and see his or her weaknesses as a wake up call to support and build up your lover.

With mercy you can help your lover to improve all areas of his or her life.

Showing mercy

Be humble. The akans translate humility as ‘ahobrase’ – to lower yourself to the level you see as inferior. This makes it easy to see yourself as weak and undeserving as your lover. Humility is the mother of all virtues. No wonder Akans say humility leads to success in life.

Be self-sacrificing. A true relationship is self-giving and not self taking. When your lover offends you, you ‘die’ for him or her just as Jesus died for us while we were still sinners.

To die in this context is to give hope and support to your lover in his or her greatest moments of need without expecting a reward.

Watch your words. Your words have the power of life and death. Good words will build your relationship. Simple words like ‘I am sorry’, ‘I forgive you’, ‘thanks,’ ‘I love you for what and who you are’ make you lover feel loved, appreciated and cherished.  At the same time be considerate with what you say when you are angry.

Let the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart be acceptable to your lover and your Maker.

Mercy, a gift from the heart

When you love someone your faith will be tested when you least expect it. You will need something special to come out victorious. It is easy to give your lover what you can easily afford.

You may offer tangible things like money, mobile phone and other material possessions to hold a relationship but these things lose their importance in a short time and do not have much impact on relationships.

What really holds a relationship in times of trouble are the intangibles because with them you give a part of you. It is, therefore, a privilege to show your lover mercy because it is a gift from your heart. It is what will keep you giving to your lover.  

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

By John Boakye/The Mirror/Ghana

E-mail [email protected]. The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage’ and ‘Love Unlimited.