Have vision for your marriage
A vision is an imagination or mental picture of what you want to achieve or realistic future state of things. Through it, you communicate your goals. A vision inspires you to commit, persist and give your best because it creates energy and makes good things happen.
In fact, a study showed basketball players who envisioned the ball going into the loop improved their shooting percentage.
A vision comes from the future and energises the present. It inspires you to pursue your dreams and achieve your goals for the future. It also motivates you against forces of resistance, failure and emotional hardships in marriage. It keeps you focused and opens many possibilities and brighter future.
A vision that is clear will open your mind to endless possibilities. It commits and connects you to your passion and greatest potential irrespective of what is going on around you and keeps your marriage together, because a vision helps you keep going on with what you want to do. If you can dream it, you can do it (Walt Disney).
Building a vision for your marriage
Know who you are: Talk about your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. Talk about your temperaments and sexuality because the biggest threat in marriage is that partners do not appreciate that men and women are completely different with different needs, values and aspirations.
Know what you want to see in your marriage: Have a realistic plan but a bigger picture for the future: your habits, attitudes and what you want to achieve. The greatest danger is that we aim too low and achieve it (Michelangelo). A vision that is too small may not provide enough inspiration or generate enough energy to get you past the tough spots and even close your mind to what you can achieve. For example, very often in counselling, young couples are encouraged to dream about buying plots of land and working at finishing their own houses in five to 10 years of marriage.
Be positive: Acknowledge your differences but cast away fear because it breaks down your self-esteem and motivation. With a positive mental attitude, you see the challenges in your marriage as normal and part of life which you can get through and see the other side of marriage as bigger and more fulfilling.
Brainstorm on how to achieve your goals: Vision without execution is hallucination (Thomas Edison). To accomplish great things, you must dream, as well as act (Analote France) because vision without action is daydream; action without vision is a nightmare (Japanese Proverb). Whatever you can do or dream, begin it (Goethe). Focus on things that give you positive values and goals in marriage.
Stay focused on your mission statement and work at it: Circumstances may change. You, therefore, need to discuss regularly the state of your marriage to ensure you are moving towards your goal. Persevere and keep working towards your goal. Sometimes you have to review and adjust your plans. Look beyond your difficulties and press towards your goal. Dare to dream and even more importantly, dare to put action behind your dreams.
Celebrate your marriage: Relationships celebrated often grow in strength. Celebrate the little success and progress you have made. If nothing at all, celebrate the fact that you are together and making effort to build a happy future. A regular drink, a walk or meal with few friends will do.
Vision, your road map in marriage journey
A road map is a strategic plan that defines a goal or desired outcome and includes the major steps to reach it. It also serves as a communication tool that helps articulate plans for getting there. It, therefore, serves as a guide for your marriage journey.
'Aware’, the Akan word for marriage, means a long journey for life. Marriage is, therefore, forever and your vision should be your road map to a successful marriage journey. Your vision helps you see beyond your current reality, creating and inventing what does not exist. You need it to have a happy marriage in future.
The empires of the future are the empires of the mind (Winston Churchill). Therefore, visualise your goals and make action plan to reach your vision. Soon, you may see many parts of your vision coming true. Your vision may delay but wait for it, it will surely come and one day you will see yourself living your dream in your marriage.
An American, Helen Keller, became deaf, dumb and blind before she was two years old. She learnt to speak six languages by a special method of touching the throat. She wrote several books and became one of the greatest educators in the world. She once said the only thing worse than blindness was to have sight without vision.
Your marriage is a function of your dreams. Irrespective of your surroundings and challenges, you must dream big about your marriage. See it in your mind’s eye. Feel it. If you stay committed to your dream and work hard at it, it will happen in reality. Your dream for your marriage will come to pass because you have a vision for it.