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Driving your woman away unconsciously?

Driving your woman away unconsciously?

Three years ago, a rich and popular man had a tip-off that his wife was in an amorous relationship with his driver.


He hired a detective who came back with many disturbing pictures of his wife and driver in many expensive places to confirm the husband’s fears. When he confronted his wife she confessed but added that it was her husband who pushed her to do it.

The man was shocked at her woman’s response. He remarked: “I have bought houses for you. I change your cars every two years. I pay for your trips everywhere on the globe. You have blank cheques to spend on whatever you want. Why do you do this to me and why my driver? Why..why…”,  he wept bitterly.

Fact is many men push their women away without knowing. We hurt and treat them as if women do not have hearts that can be shattered by our actions and inactions. 
Sometimes we do not even know we hurt our women and sometimes we see our mistakes too late. 

What drives women away?

Cutting her out of your discussions: Making mutual decisions is what a woman sees as the most important contribution in a relationship because it makes her feel valued.

Equal partnership builds stronger relationship as partners define their goal and work together towards them.

Unfortunately, most Ghanaian men think they are always wiser than their women and would act as if the woman has nothing good to offer. If you do not encourage your woman to share her views or listen to her, you make her feel cut off from you and she may easily drift away.

Never appreciating your woman: Women do a great deal for their men. They are more humane than men and would sacrifice greatly to make a relationship work. She needs to know that her efforts are acknowledged. 

Appreciation makes a woman feel valued, important, cherished and wanted. She loves to hear simple words like ‘I love you, thank you, you have been so good to me’. Without appreciation, your woman loses her motivation to do her best for you and gives up on you.

Treating her like a man: Men come from ‘Mars’ and women, ‘Venus’. We are completely different physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. For example, words get expanded in a woman’s brain. 

One word which appears small to a man may be a big deal to a woman. If you tell your male friend his shirt is dirty he may brush it off but your woman will be hurt by such a comment. If you don’t treat your woman like a woman you may be sending her away unintentionally.

Ignoring her emotional needs: Relationships revolve around needs. A woman’s greatest need is affection, companionship, commitment and financial security. She needs romance, specific expression which results in a feeling of closeness, passion and intimacy. She needs gentle touch, petting and hugging. She needs regular and spontaneous gifts because they are signs of love and goodwill.

Your woman needs you by her side because it gives her positive self-image, security and peace of mind.  

You are more important to her than big cars, money and houses. Have fun with her. Go out often. 
Your woman wants to feel safe to give her best. She expects you to be honest, open and reliable. She wants emotional protection that you will always be there for her.

 Are you driving your woman away?
It is easy to keep a woman because to her it is the little things like time together, acts of service, physical touch and small gifts that are really the big things.

Your woman needs you more than anything else. Never treat your woman in ways you wouldn’t like anyone to treat her. If you do not make her feel like a woman you may be pushing her away from you. 

Always make your woman the topmost priority in your life. If you treat her good you make her an ideal woman and get the best out of her. If you want to be happy first make your woman happy and she will be truly one flesh with you.  

The writer is the director of the Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of Your Guide To Marriage, Love Unlimited And The Journey Of Love’
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