Are women winning the cheating case?

In the past, it was unthinkable for a married woman to cheat. Offenders faced instant divorce and were severely punished. Some were even banished for bringing shame to the extended family.
Not so today. In our era of feminism and women equality, our married women are matching their men boot for boot. Today the slogan is that whatever a man can do a woman can do and even better. This means women can win the cheating case, if they want to.

A sad fact is that a woman has intuition and can easily read her cheating lover. Studies show, for example, that when a woman suspects her lover of cheating, 90 per cent of the time she is right.

At the same time, women can easily cover up their indecent acts. Men have big eyes but do not see anything. This means when a man cheats, he is easily caught but when a woman cheats most of the time she gets away with it. Not fair!

Why married women cheat

Women cheat when their emotional needs are not met. A woman’s greatest needs are affection, companionship and financial support and family commitment. Sadly, most men do not appreciate how important these needs mean to their wives.

Most husbands do not show affection nor make time for their wives. Many Ghanaian women are lonely in the midst of plenty and are tempted to cheat to feel loved and admired. Some have ingenious ways of doing it. Some, in their attempt to divert attention, will do it with their drivers, house helps and office colleagues. Some opt for long distance relationships.

A wife complained that ever since she married her husband, he has never complimented her on her dressing or looks. However, in her office there is this young man who always compliments her and makes time for her every day.

Now she has fallen in love with him even when she is sure the man does not want a relationship. Now she says the man ‘lie bad’ and will track him down. Poor him!

Some women cheat for personal needs. They use what they have to get what they want. A woman is threatened by loss of attraction and needs to buy a lot to be on the ‘road’. Many married women confess cheating to get appointment, promotion and huge sums of money.

If a wife and her husband are struggling financially and a human resource manager offers her a lucrative job with strings attached, she may give in and console herself that she did it for her family.

Some cheat just to spice up their marriage. A husband may be very poor in bed. Her married friends are also cheating and encourage her to go along. Peer pressure may win . A couple of years ago there was a slogan that, if you have a farm you must also have a garden!

Effect

It is far more serious for a woman to cheat than a man. A man’s greatest needs are respect, sex and attractive wife. To imagine that someone has looted his precious assets is damaging to a man’s self-esteem.

A man without his self-esteem is a living dead. Some may react violently. Recently a man in the Northern Region cut off another man’s manhood because he suspected him of sleeping with his wife.

A woman, because of her sexual anatomy, is more likely to be infected with sexually transmitted disease than a man. If she gets pregnant she may give it to her husband who has to care for someone’s child for life

Cheating wives lose their commitment in their marriage. Some spend long hours away from home for social events. While some falsely accuse their husbands of cheating while others shower pleasure and gifts to cover up their acts.

The fact, however, is that cheating does not necessarily break up marriages. It is how couples react to it that determines the health of their marriage.

Are women winning the cheating case?

Today, many husbands are cheating and many wives are doing the same . We cannot tell who is cheating more because ‘you and I were not there’ to do the count of the pink sheets.

Another difficulty is that while men boast and sometimes falsely of their exploits, women hide theirs. Getting a reasonable population and sample size will be difficult.

You also have to worry about methodology and analysis. Will it be qualitative, quantitative or mixed analysis?

If you are cheating and are determined to find out if your woman cheats more, do this: Give 5-4 in favour of your wife even when you catch her ‘filli filli’ (red-handed) in bed with another man.

Give 9-0 in her favour for circumstantial evidence like multiple  friends of the opposite friends and her unknown calls. Then dismiss the case.

Love costs and maintaining peace in your marriage or relationship  is part of the price you pay. Some things are better left alone.

By John Boakye/The Mirror/Ghana

E-mail: [email protected].

The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage’ and ‘Love Unlimited’.