Handling your secrets in relationships

BY: Dr John Boakye
Consider how appropriate the issues are and the possible effects of your relationship
Consider how appropriate the issues are and the possible effects of your relationship

Everyone has secrets.

When you get into a relationship, one of your challenges is which of your secrets to tell as you get to know more of each other and harmonise your differences.

This is because to tell or not to tell a secret in a relationship could be a great indication to the health of your relationship. Your secrets could grow or die with your relationship.

Why some keep secrets?
Every human being is unique with personal information and past experiences.

Personal information is, therefore, sacred and may not be discussed just to please your lover.

We also know that all relationships are relative.

Telling everything about your dark side to someone you could lose soon may appear like losing part of you.

Keeping some information to yourself can create a sense of mystery and curiosity in your lover.

It keeps the relationship fresh as your lover gradually learns something from you each day.

If your lover has nothing to look forward to, he may be bored.

What secrets to keep?
Keep your secrets that have no bearing on your relationship but which may be misinterpreted by your lover to create tension.

If for example, you have fought with a girl over a man and you beat her mercilessly, you may not have to mention it.

In the initial stages of a relationship, it may be advisable to keep your income secret.

This may ensure that your lover is not after your money.

Why reveal some secrets?
Our actions and patterns in a relationship are greatly affected by events in our past.

A painful experience in a relationships may spill into subsequent relationship as you show fear, distrust and guilt.

Telling your secrets help your lover to get a better understanding of your actions.

He, therefore, develops a better approach to help you get over your problems.

When you tell your secrets, you take away false marks.

You are able to communicate honestly.

Telling your secrets, therefore, may have a positive outcome.

You must also appreciate that trust and honesty are the foundations of a fulfilling relationship.

Your partner must know your dark side to decide if he can build a relationship with you.

Your lover may find out when you least expect it.

Your secrets may ,therefore, blow up in your face.

What to tell?
You have an obligation to tell anything that may harm your relationship.

Tell your lover about your communicable diseases, hereditary defects and sterility.

Disclose your previous marriage, prison records, serious mental break downs and financial obligations.

You could talk about your past relationships and cheating but avoid graphic details because it could paint painful pictures.

Sometimes, just conceding that you made mistakes but you are determined to remain faithful and committed may be sufficient.

It is your resolve to love clean that matters.

How to reveal your secrets?
Telling secrets could be risky.

Know your partner very well.

Consider how appropriate the issues are and the possible effects on your relationship.

It is also healthy to reveal your secrets in small doses and at the appropriate time as the issues arise.

What to say depends on the stage of your relationship — dating, going steady, courting or marriage.

The closer you get the more you should reveal about yourself.

If you are heading for a marriage, it may be better to tell it.

This becomes true meaning to people becoming flesh.

Show discretion and find some ways.

If you think telling your secrets can hurt your lover, think of how you want them to be handled if you were on the other side.

Talk only when the right situation arises.

Appreciate, however, that keeping some secrets may be in everybody’s interest.

You must, however, be careful about keeping secrets.

Know what is important and what is not.

Tell some and keep some to yourself.

A happy relationship is not about telling everything to your lover but it is about the commitment, passion and intimacy you show to grow your relationship.

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