When I had my heart broken it felt like my life was ending.
But it was only just beginning. There are no two ways around it, heartbreak sucks.
That numb ache in your stomach, feeling like you’re going to throw up, going back and forth between feeling nothing at all and being unable to stop crying.
You feel like your entire world is crumbling beneath you. I know.
But I promise you it’s not. So you’ve just been broken up with, you feel like you’ve lost everything you’ve ever had and you’re terrified of being alone.
It’s okay to feel this way. When you’ve adapted to having someone around all the time, the thought of being on your own is daunting.
And then you get sadder, because you realise that the person who was always around is no longer going to be there.
How are you going to fill your time? How are you going to cope alone?
It’s like breaking any habit.
When you grow accustomed to your partner always being around you get into this routine, and you forget what time alone is like or how to appreciate it.
You can end up forgetting how to be alone.
So when you come out of a relationship and learn how to spend time with yourself, it’s life-changing.
I won’t pretend like going through a breakup isn’t soul-destroying, that it doesn’t make you feel a million emotions or that you aren’t going to question what’s wrong with you (even though there’s probably nothing wrong with you, it just wasn’t meant to be).
You won’t wake up the day after a breakup and suddenly feel fine.
That just won’t happen. But one piece of advice I was given time and time again is that ‘time is the best healer’.
In the moment you don’t agree. In the moment you think, ‘I’m never going to get over this’, in the moment, you feel like things will never get better. But they do.
It’s cliche, but over time things do get easier. Time heals the wounds your broken relationship will have left behind.
Going through a breakup doesn’t have to be a miserable time, it can also be an exciting one.
Don’t see it as your whole world ending, but as your world only just opening up. For the first time in a long time, you finally get to focus on yourself.
Nobody else. You get to rediscover yourself. Do things for you and nobody else.
You no longer have anyone to answer to. You no longer have to think about anyone else.
You can be totally selfish. Being single is a huge learning curve. But being alone doesn’t have to be scary – it can be liberating.
You get to focus on things that make you happy, try new things, meet new people, become who you want to be.
You get to focus on loving nobody else but yourself. And trust me, self-love is the most amazing love out there.
And once you’ve learned to love yourself alone, once you’ve realised that there’s nobody better to rely on than yourself, when you’re finally ready to meet someone else – and believe me, you will meet someone else – you’ll be in a better place to fall in love again, because you’ll have fallen in love with yourself first.