Feeling insecure?

BY: Dr John Boakye
Find the source of insecurity so that you do not search in vain and in the wrong places.

A happy marriage is the best thing that could happen to you; it frees you from the stressful single life as you share all areas of your life with your spouse.

You are physically and emotionally healthier. You have improved immune system and have readily available sexual partner.
You express higher levels of happiness. You are more productive and more likely to be richer. A happy relationship gives you the greatest security in life.

Events in your marriage could make you lose your self-esteem and feel you are drifting apart. In some cases, you feel someone is lurking around to push you out of your marriage. That is when insecurity sets in.

Imagine a 25-year-old woman who left home and married a 35-year-old man against the advice of her parents. Few days into the marriage she finds the husband is opposite of what she thought of him. He leaves home early and comes back very late, drunk and has telltale signs of unfamiliar ladies perfumes.

He takes all his calls in the private. Mails coming in shows he has many girl-friends each assuming the position of a wife. The support and care he gave disappeared. This young woman felt trapped and insecure.

Danger of insecurity
Insecurity is a powerful emotion that creates anxious times. You find your hopes of living a committed relationship slip away. You lose your ability to trust or feel safe. You have intense worry because you are not sure where your relationship is going or will end. As your trust and confidence decreases your insecurity increases.

Insecurity makes you irritable, sad and isolated. You feel restless and fatigued. You have difficulty concentrating and sleeping. You lose your romantic feeling and because you do not feel secure, you lose your ability to love and receive love. It is also known that insecurity causes serious physical and emotional damage and ultimately to your carrier and relationship.

Our differences
Men and women feel insecure over different things. A man’s greatest need is what he achieves and his ability to control and provide for his lover. A man’s inability to provide for his lover or be a leader in his relationship may make him feel insecure. A woman who is disrespectful, critical, intimidating and withholding praise may make her man feel insecure.

A woman’s greatest needs are affection and companionship. Therefore, ignoring her, being short with your answers, cold and taking her for granted, complaining about her looks and flirting with other women are some of the major causes of insecurity in women.

Find the source of insecurity so that you do not search in vain and in the wrong places. Sometimes, we feel insecure over nothing, impatience, unrealistic expectations or poor communication.

Choose the right time and right place to discuss your fears. First let your lover know you appreciate what he or she does for you but him or her know what you think will allay your fears.

Deal with your own feelings. You are part of anything that happens in your relationship. Instead of expecting your lover to change, first change yourself. Appreciate that in most relationships, it takes one committed partner to turn things around for the better. Keep loving. Be everything to your lover. Do your best. This is the surest way to boost your self-esteem and relationship.

You must, however, appreciate that love does not force. You must, therefore, avoid forcing your lover into commitment because giving love is done out of free choice. Coercion never works. Sometimes a lover acts inappropriately to show he or she wants out. You may feel insecure but do not force your lover to stay.

It is normal to feel insecure in your relationship when you face challenges and find it hard to get over them but it is important you build your trust and confidence in your relationship. Instead of feeling insecure, choose love because it brings sense of satisfaction and security.

Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.