Everything that has a beginning has an end. The “dinner of distress” finally ended with smiles and looks of contentment (some pretentious, as in my case) on the faces of all parties. Time was approximately 9:45 p.m.
As our hosts led us out of the plush eatery, they bade us goodbye, bowing as they did. My CEO and I bowed in return, and assured them of how much we looked forward to having another session of dinner with them.
Oh humans, we can pretend. I knew very well that not ever in my wildest dreams was I going to subject my taste buds to such fresh aquatic cuisine. So why was I assuring them so much? Of course, I knew my CEO was in synch with my sentiments too. So why were we pretending? Oh humans!
The moment I sat behind my steering wheel, started feeling unusually lightheaded. Then I noticed my dashboard was spinning slowly. Huh, the wine had managed to spin and spiral all stationary and non-stationary things in and out of my car.
How was I going to drive home without assistance? “Ablah, a woman’s got to do what she’s got to do”, I said to myself, and started the ignition by faith, trusting that my guardian angel would be merciful enough to take me home in one piece. I was very intoxicated. Hmm, the woes of a teetotaler!
As I sped off gently from the venue, I could feel my heart knocking against my ribs in anger. I knew if it could speak, it would ask me why I had drank myself into stupor, knowing very well that I couldn’t even stand the scent of alcohol. Poco a poco I trudged on, hoping to go past Cantonments, the 37 Military Hospital, Airport, Tetteh Quarshie, Legon, Madina and then finally, Adenta.
Motioning at a speed of 40 km per hour, I was sure to arrive home by 12 midnight. But if that was going to keep in safe, why not? I turned on my hazard indicator, and “tortoised” on, causing lots of drivers to overtake me along the routes.
About 25 minutes into my journey, my tummy began to make noises. I felt heavy in the chest and then felt cold chills all over me. My heart began to beat faster. Suddenly it was as though everything I had eaten that evening had pushed up my throat.
Awww, my digestive system was getting angry too? I had lodged in it fresh fish it wasn’t used to harbouring and working with. A sudden sharp pain in the top of my stomach was enough warning of a disaster about to happen.
I knew I had to park and await a great dislodging of my belly’s content. With the sobriety of a dog, I obeyed my instincts and parked underneath a streetlight whose lamp shone like a star – very bright. Location was exactly in front of a residential facility.
Before I could attempt to open my door that infamous saliva that precedes vomiting filled up my mouth; hmm, my stomach and brain were chatting up a storm. You know what I’m referring to, don’t you? I hear that that “vomit saliva” actually protects our teeth from stomach acid, which essentially turns our enamels into gums.
My left foot had hardly touched the partially grassed floor when a gushing “gbuuaaaaaaaaaaa”, plunged out the entire content of my stomach – ebunu ebunu to traits of fufu, to stains of dried fish, then to the sushi et al.
My dear, it was a cocktail of local and foreign cuisine on the partially grassed ground. I was careful enough not to soil the nice well-manicured and healthy creeping plants which lined up the frontage of the huge building.
At that point, I was scared someone would emerge from the intimidating Security Post which was located some 50 meters from my occurrence. Thankfully, no one came out to ask any questions or to complain about the mess I’d created.
I had half a bottle of water in the car from the afternoon’s lunch. It came in very handy as I grabbed and rinsed my mouth immediately. I wished I could wash away the green vomitus but didn’t have enough water so to do.
But you see, as heavens would have it, the clouds, which were much beset with excess atmospheric condensation, began to cry. The pouring tears were enough assurance that inhabitants of that residence as well as pedestrians would find no traces of my ordeal on that path. I felt so relieved; it was almost as if some cold refreshing water had been poured on me. Oh, what a moment!
I kind of gained some sanity after throwing up, hence I doubled up my speed. By 11:05 p.m., I was knocking to be opened. Obodai who sensed all was not well, helped me take a quick good bath and tucked me into bed – the weather was very conducive for such pampering, and I enjoyed his initiative.
Before I plunged into La La Land I made him send a Thank You Note to my CEO via my phone, and to also tell him of my safe arrival at home. The night had indeed been eventful.
I am told there is likely to be a follow up meeting in August with our investors. It will again be over dinner. This time around however, we will be the hosts.
Stay tuned. Should anything eventful take place, thou shalt hear. Have a blessed weekend.