Marriage: A journey of two people in love
I call him the “love of my life “and he is my best friend. We talk and chat about everything and anything. We do have our moments of quarrels, misunderstandings and arguments which I call “the marriage fights” but trust me, he is my love.
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I can confidently say that because I married my friend and I have decided to stay married and enjoy each day of the marriage as if I just started the journey. Every day I learn new things about being married and I believe my partner does too and I make an effort to become a better companion.
You would have to be determined to stay married and enjoy it no matter the difficulties you encounter as married couples. In my opinion certain factors help to achieve this. Some of these are:
Marrying your friend
Imagine having a life span of 80 years and above and getting married at the age of 25 years. The question is why would you marry someone you hardly know or anyone knows? When you marry your friend you share jokes, make fun of each other, cry together and enjoy happy moments as well. You would not see marriage as a contract that is rigid but as a contract between two people in love who have decided to live together, make memories along the way, committed and supportive of each other no matter the difficulties they encounter in their journey of life.
After marrying your partner, make the conscious effort to make him or her your best friend. Some people may not agree with me on this, but in my opinion it helps and it is best for your marriage. You can have friends with whom you discuss issues concerning, for instance, investment, education and work, but make a conscious effort to keep your martial issues to yourselves.
Counselling
Seek advice from marriage counsellors, pastors, trusted family or friends, do not discuss your marital issues with people you hardly know or trust. What fascinates me most is when married couples discuss their marital issues with unmarried people. The question is what kind of advice do you expect to get from such a person who has never been married, who is not a counsellor, a pastor or a relationship expert, for instance.?
Do not get me wrong; a person may not be any of the above but can give good counsel. But this is when you need to apply wisdom in the selection of those from whom you seek advice. Always remember that it is not everyone whom smiles with you, who wants the best for you. I have witnessed and heard on countless occasions married couples who have been betrayed by their best friends who exposed their marital secrets which later became “public news” and eventually caused divorce.
Difficulties or challenges?
All married couples experience difficulties or go through challenging times. Do not be deceived by looks or appearances.
Happy moments are to be enjoyed so are difficult times to be endured by both. When going through such times, try to remind yourselves of the good and happy times you have had and study the lessons carefully and move on. Remember if difficult and challenging times do not destroy or break you, they will eventually make you a stronger and better couple.
Honesty and truthfulness
In a conversation with a friend who has been married for over 18 years, he maintained that “men are generally defensive, they hardly accept their faults even when caught in the act“. This helped me not to argue with my husband on certain issues and I advise my fellow married women to do same.
Both married men and women should learn to understand what their partners want and should be willing to compromise, which is one of the keys to a successful marriage. Married couples must be honest with each other but in a heated argument, I advise you to wait and settle your differences when the atmosphere is calm.
Once you stop lying to each other, trusting becomes easier. If this is not done, you will always be on the edge and you would never enjoy your marriage. If you trust each other, you would not be bothered if a man calls your wife’s phone and vice versa. Husbands and wives must be open and honest with themselves. For instance, your spouses should have a fair idea about the friends you hang out with, do not keep secrets; they do not help in marriage.
Resolving misunderstanding
I read a story of a couple who had a fight and the man left for work. They never called each other during the day contrary to what they usually do. On his return, the man got to the gate of the house and called the wife several times but she never answered the calls. He went further to send a text but the wife did not bother to read it.
The wife, about an hour later, decided to get groceries for the house. She opened the gate only to find her husband dead in the car. He needed his inhaler desperately because he had had an asthmatic attack at the time he was calling but the wife never responded.
This story explains it all; you never married as enemies but as two people in love. kindly remain as lovers and not enemies. Try and resolve all; misunderstandings and conflicts before they turn into something else. Finally, forgive easily and use the simplest but powerful word-- sorry--- each time you offend each other, it does make a great difference in all “marriage fights“.
Marriage is a journey taken by two people who love each other, who are committed to each other and are willing to make their journey a blissful and an enjoyable one. It involves compromises and accommodating each other. It is important to remain lovers and best of friends.You must build a relationship of trust in order to ensure a long-lasting and enjoyable marriage. Always remember the powerful vow you made to each other “till death do us part” and it will guide your actions.