Bad marriage or divorce?
Divorce is painful irrespective of who initiated it.
Emotionally, studies show divorce creates anxiety, guilt, sadness, depression, anger, bitterness, frustration and grief.Subscribe
You live in fear and anticipate failure. This creates lack of self-confidence and negative emotions.
Physically, stress from divorce affects your immune system and may predispose you to many diseases such as high blood pressure and mental disorders. Divorcees, therefore, have higher mortality from diseases.
Economically, you may become less productive while at the same time you bear all expenses alone.
You may therefore be poorer.
Socially, divorcees have lesser social relationships because they feel stigmatised by friends, colleagues and family members who label them as bad or guilty without even wanting to know the cause of the divorce.
Your male friends see you as available and may exploit your predicament. Your female friends may avoid you, lest you snatch their husbands.
Spiritually, divorce is a grave sin because you break a covenant you freely consented before God. You put your salvation at risk.
Your children become innocent victims of divorce. Losing one parent creates great fear of being abandoned.
They go through emotional trauma because they are deprived of the combined love and provision of both parents.
This affects their output in everything they do. They lose their self-confidence and tend to be unloving and revengeful.
Studies show that children from divorced homes have 75 per cent of being victims of divorce when they marry in future.
Surely, our mothers knew better; in difficult times, they would say mmofra no nti which means they lived in bad marriages for the sake of their children.
Marriage and family are the building blocks of society. Societies grow weaker with increasing rate of divorce.
In fact, the rising rate of indiscipline we see in Ghana today can be traced right to the increasing breakdown of marriage.
The background of most armed robbers shows they had no parental care.
Choose; bad marriage or divorce
Today, most partners opt to leave their marriages when they face challenges.
They believe in the Akan axiom that divorce is better than a bad marriage.
Another Akan axiom says if you fear divorce, you will never have a good marriage.
Fortunately, there are also those who accept that all marriages are difficult and need to be worked on to succeed.
They believe in the Akan axiom that marriage is like toasting plantain; as you toast you feel the heat on your hands but if you don’t toast, the plantain burns. Some, therefore, stay committed to their marriages and ‘toast’ it to enjoy its amazing benefits.
Before you make your decision first appreciate that divorce has never been a solution but the problem.
The temptation to quit when you face challenges is real but once you leave, it is almost over for you.
In fact a marriage psychologist likens divorce to a major surgery without anaesthesia and adds that the pains never go away.
This explains why a study show over 90 per cent of partners who divorce regret their action and wished they had been more patient, stayed and worked on their marriages.
You must, therefore, resolve never to make divorce an option in your marriage.
Divorce your divorce plans now! If you work on your marriage, it will work.
Fortunately, studies show that in times of difficulties, it usually takes one committed partner to turn a marriage around.
Let it be you. Resolve to be the burden bearer and not the burden.
The Akans say marriage is not like palm wine which you can taste and refuse to buy and drink. Simply put, marriage has two essentials; unity and indissolubility.
It is about a man and woman who leave their parents and become one flesh.
This principle of marriage is so important to God, the author of marriage that it is the only verse on marriage that is mentioned four times in the Good Book.
God says he hates divorce and so must you. With unconditional love, effective communication, forgiving spirit and prayer, you can have a fulfilling marriage.
Stay married and stay blessed.