Thinking of going back to your ex?

BY: By Dr John Boakye
The choice is all yours
The choice is all yours

A relationship is a high-risk business.

Few lovers are able to sustain relationships while the majority fail.

However, after break up, many regret their actions because they can’t even tell exactly why they broke up.

Many people think of going back to their former lovers.

Why think of going back?
Most lovers leave relationships based on emotions but not on logic.

It is only when emotions are down that they wonder if they took the right decision.

It is known that 80 per cent of couples who divorce regret their actions and some think of going back.

Some leave relationships to find their former lovers are better than they thought.

Some get lonely and want company.

They feel the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know.

No don’t go back
Don’t go back as a rebound relationship – one made to hide past hurts or impress a former lover that you found someone better.

It is also not advisable to go back when you are in a serious relationship or married.

Most married people, especially women think they made the wrong choice when things go bad in their marriage.

They look at the good side of their former relationship and think life could be better.

Fact is all relationships have their unique weaknesses and moments of pain.

The fact that you see problems does not mean there is anything wrong with it.

You are only being human.

You can always brighten your corner and restore your relationship.

You must also appreciate that second marriages fail faster because partners carry emotional hurts into it.

The twists and turns in life could change your former lover completely.

The one you loved and trusted yesterday could disappoint you.

Going back does not guarantee your happiness.

Yes, go back
You were in love but for some unknown reasons you lost touch but kept the flame alive.

Or your parents rejected your lover and, therefore, you were forced into a marriage that didn’t work.

Now they regret their actions or you were single, divorced and fantasise the old love.

You left for a habit you couldn’t cope with but your lover has improved himself.

For example, if your lover was a ‘womaniser’ or an alcoholic and has stopped because he is truly ‘born again’, you could have a better relationship now.

Sometimes, a lover leaves a relationship for frivolous reasons.

He feels guilty of causing a break-up and thinks of going back to make up.

How to go back
• Allow yourself time to get over any confusion, hurt, anxiety and sadness.

Then decide if you really want to go back and why.

Creating space can help you decide if you need him.

• List the bad and good qualities of your ex.

Draw a balance sheet and decide if he is really your solution.

It is very important you are certain you can cope with problems that led to the break up.

• Keep friendly contact with him or her but don’t appear desperate.

Find out quietly if the person is available and accessible.

Also find out his past relationships and activities to make sure he has improved himself.

Keep aside your ego and talk about what hurt you with an open hurt.

Let him know certain issues hurt you.

Listen to his side of the story with empathy.

Resolve your differences, apologise or accept apology where necessary.

Your true act of forgiveness is the single most important key that opens the door to relight your love flame.

Going back to your ex may not ensure your success because past mistakes may haunt you and, therefore, the love you share.

It could also be an opportunity to breathe new life into your life.

Going back or not is not the matter.

It is mutual respect, trust, commitment, honesty unconditional love, care support, spirit and prayer that ensures a fulfilling relationship.

Going back to your ex? You choose.

You are the choices you make in life.

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