The deadly trap called infidelity

BY: Dr. John Boakye
• One may have a reason for the acts of indiscretion but there’s no excuse for it.
• One may have a reason for the acts of indiscretion but there’s no excuse for it.

One of the greatest threats to a happy marriage is infidelity, indecent association, including sex with someone other than a spouse.



Unfortunately, this canker is fast increasing and destroying most marriages.

For example, in a study done in the United States of America 10 years ago, it was found out that in 80 per cent of marriages, one or both partners had cheated.

Infidelity must be worse now and even more damaging in Ghana. Some time ago, on one of my radio programmes, someone called in and  asserted that 99 per cent of Ghanaian marriages face infidelity.
More disturbing is the fact that Ghanaian women who were known to be faithful to the husbands are now matching their men bumper to bumper!
                                                        
Why infidelity?

Human nature

A man is attracted to a woman and a woman attracted to a man. This does not go away because one is married. Today, scientists believe there are some genes which predispose mankind to infidelity.
We are naturally selfish. The heart of man is evil and wicked ( Jer 17:19). We are conceived in sin and may act wrongly if we do not stand firm.

Emotional needs

Marriage revolves on needs. A man’s greatest emotional needs are respect, sex, attractive wife and domestic care (cooking and taking care of home).
 
For example, if a woman does not respect her man, she breaks his ego. He tries to restore it by taking a woman he can control and in so doing restore his ego.

A woman’s topmost needs are affection, companionship, family commitment and financial support.
 
For example, if a man makes no time for his wife, she feels abandoned and lonely and may have an indecent relationship with even a houseboy who gives her attention.

Personal benefit

In the past, couples prided in fidelity, honesty, integrity and loyalty. Today, the focus is on what we have and can do.

Many cheat for personal benefits such as jobs, promotion, money, social recognition, admission to institutions and even as pay-back for spouses they see as unfaithful.

Challenge

Some spouses have the myth that it is fun and exciting to do something and not get caught. They want to break the daily routine.

Some claim ‘you can’t eat palm soup everyday’ and some say ‘if you have a farm, you must have a garden’.
 
They fantasise about cheating and think it spices up marriage.

Age difference

It is best to have a spouse who is close to you in age because you will have similar interests. A huge age difference causes sexual drive disparity.

Women peak their sexual drive at late 30s or early 40s. At that stage, many Ghanaian men due to their poor lifestyle may have ‘light off’. Body no be fire wood and many married women are tempted to cheat.  
                                                            
 The danger

 When someone gets into infidelity, the brain stimulates the production of chemicals which puts him or her in a situation similar to the mentally challenged.

 His or her intelligent quotient is halved and can’t control his or her thoughts or think right.
 
This may explain why some men involved in infidelity give gifts such as air ticket, cars and large sums to their girlfriends but not to their own wives.

 Many have blown out huge investment on the lottery of infidelity and spend the rest of their lives in misery.

The adulterous woman preys on your life.

Infidelity destroys trust, commitment and loyalty which are the foundation of a happy marriage.
 
The partner who is cheated loses self-esteem and grows emotional pain and bitterness.

He or she wonders why he or she is not adequate.

 The partner who cheats loses his/her inner strength and good character.

Infidelity may predispose you to sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy. Some opt for abortion and some have children out of wedlock.

 Married women give pregnancy from outside to their husbands.

 Infidelity negatively affects your relationship with your friends, children, work and future dreams. We hear of big politicians and senior pastors of fast growing churches crash out due to infidelity.


Infidelity is a sin

All sins are outside the body but anyone who gets into adultery sins against his or her own body. You grieve the Holy Spirit and cause Him to leave you.

 You open yourself for the attack of the evil one.

The Bible describes adultery in such terms as  ‘ introducing termites into your garden,’ ‘an arrow being shot through your heart’ and walking barefooted on burning charcoal.
It puts you in danger of losing the kingdom of God. In the commandments God warns us against it.
                                    

The deadly trap

Infidelity is the most damaging thing that can destroy the sanity and sanctity of marriage because it takes enormous emotional, physical and spiritual energy from the marriage.
It is what a man finds unforgivable in marriage and a scar that may never make a marriage the same again.

 In fact, it is a deadly trap that destroys every area of life and slowly eats up the culprit.

This means adultery has never been a solution but a big problem.


 Sadly, it can happen to everybody. No one is exempt.

The only chance is to stand strong in the Lord and build a positive attitude because Jesus condemns even the adulterous desire.

One may have a reason for the acts of indiscretion but there’s no excuse for it.

If you see a spouse as God’s greatest gift, you will not settle for less.
 
With commitment and prayer, it is possible to make marriage affair-proof and enjoy the amazing benefits of the greatest gift of our Maker.

 
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