Ten Relationship resolutions every couple needs to make for 2014
I’ve considered 2013 the year of improving my marriage. After a rather rocky start to learning the rules of writing about love and relationships (short lesson: don’t write about any problems about your marriage online), I started to get in the swing of things a bit.
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In all honesty, after three kids in four years and a few bumps in the road, I started to feel like a whole new wife and woman again. I felt connected to my husband in a way that made our marriage seem so brand-new again. We felt connected, we were laughing even in the midst of sick kids and diaper changes, and we spent time simply sitting and talking in front of our fireplace.
But then again, 2014 is going to be a whole new year, and thanks to a bit of unexpected news (more on that later), it’s looking like it will be a year full of challenges, adventures, and a little more stress on our marriage. December 29th marks our 6th wedding anniversary, and I am determined to keep our love going strong.
So in the spirit of the new year and a marriage made anew, here are resolutions that I (and every couple) should be following for 2014.
To say "thank you" more.
You may never know how two little words can completely transform your relationship until you try it. I admit that, like many wives, I tend to go into "martyr" mode, focusing on all of the things that I do in our relationship (official birthday card purchaser, grocery shopper extraordinaire, toilet paper roll changer) while conveniently forgetting to notice everything that my husband does. I am convinced that saying "thank you" more not only helps my husband feel appreciated and helps him know that I appreciate all that he does, but that it also helps me to notice all he does more as well.
To have a little more fun.
One of the first things to go in our relationship when I am stressed or feeling weighed down by the responsibilities of daily life (i.e. kids everywhere) is laughter. It seems like such a small thing, but the more we laugh and are able to find fun in everyday circumstances, the more connected we feel.
To spend more time together at night.
My husband and I have three young children. I work from home with the kiddos, while my husband works all day as a public school teacher. After our nighttime routine of dinner, clean-up, baths, and bedtime, both of us are eager to escape into our own worlds to help us relax. My husband prefers to watch TV, while I love curling up in bed with a good book. While we both need that time alone at night to recharge for the crazy of the next day, I know it's important for us, once in awhile, to spend some time together at night too.
To find a babysitter.
Honestly, I talk a big talk, but when it comes right down to it, my husband and I rarely ever go out on dates. Seriously, like never. And I'm not one of those people that is all like, "Oh my gosh, date nights are the key to a good marriage," because 1) date nights can happen at home and 2) date nights can be expensive and 3) date nights are harder when you are breastfeeding a baby. But if you dig a little deeper, the truth is, we really don't a babysitter that we can depend on for the odd evening (or day) out. Unless Grandma is offering a freebie night out, we're at home. But I do think the time has come to book a babysitter a little more regularly. It could be fun, right?
To get healthy for each other.
Not to impress each other with our rockin' hot bods, but to ensure our marriage can actually last a lifetime. My husband doesn't like working out with me, and frankly, I use my treadmill time to catch up on the cheesy shows that I enjoy on Netflix, so for us, getting healthy may be as simple as making sure the other has time to exercise. And I'm not talking a "Hey, honey, shouldn't you hit the gym?" but actual, scheduled time on the master family calendar to make sure it happens.
To love my body more.
Ok, so this is a resolution just for me, but I'm pretty sure it's an important one that affects our marriage in a big way. I'm lucky enough to have one of those husbands who tells me almost daily how beautiful he thinks I am. But no matter how much I try, I can't believe him. I weigh more than I would like to, and I struggle all the time to fight the voice in my head that tells me he's lying, I'm not really beautiful, and that no man would want to be with someone so fat and ugly. It's brutally honest, I realize that, but I know our relationship struggles when I literally push my husband away when he tells me how much he loves my body. If I don't learn to love my body, how can I ever believe that he can?
To hang out more with other couples.
My husband and I are about some of the most boring people you will ever meet in your life. We are both rather introverted and prefer being home above all else. But nonetheless, we need to make spending time (or heck, even finding) with friends more of a priority in our relationship. I think it would both strengthen our bond and help our relationship grow.
To learn each other’s "love languages."
I admit that although I've heard of the infamous "love languages" book, I've never really put much stock into it. But I'm starting to realize that my husband and I have very, very different love languages. He puts more stock into the physical aspects of our relationship, while I am all about the time together and "little" acts of love, like surprising him with lunch or a gift for his classroom. Understanding each other's love languages can help bring you close together and, perhaps more importantly, help you know how to best make sure your partner is taken care of on all levels.
To respect each other’s hobbies.
I am finally learning that one of the most loving things I can do for my husband and our relationship is to respect his hobbies and to take a real--not feigned--interest in them. Woodworking, farm work, tractors, or the latest tool--it doesn't take much effort on my part to ask him what's going on. More importantly, I need to take the time to make sure he has time to cultivate the parts of his life that make him the man I fell in love with.
To take more pictures (alone) together.
When I write these types of posts, I'm always on the hunt for some cutesy pictures of my husband and me that I can use. The problem? We literally have one picture of us alone together from 2013. (Please see above, snapped in about 0.2 seconds while our kids remain strapped in their car seats just out of camera's reach.) We seriously need to make an effort to capture ourselves on the camera screen instead of just our adorable children. I know our later, less attractive selves might appreciate it.