Make your marriage truly independent
This week, Ghana celebrates its independence anniversary. All over the country, people will be jubilating. There will be picnics, travels and parties to remember the sacrifices of our forefathers who fought to give us freedom from our colonial masters.
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We are now an independent nation, free forever. We have the right to protect ourselves and draw up our national agenda without interferences from other nations.
A fruitful marriage also needs its independence to grow. Like our forefathers, you first have to struggle through your initial challenges of adjusting to your differences so that you can achieve harmony. You also have to fight off interferences from outsiders so that you can achieve your unique identity.
Follow the blueprint for a happy marriage. According to the Good Book, in marriage, you must leave, cleave and be united with your spouse.
You leave physically by not staying with your parents or guardians. Anyone who gives you shelter and pays for your utilities will control your marriage. This will make it difficult for you to ‘grow’ your marriage and self-esteem.
Today, studies show for example that wives who stay with their in-laws have higher chance of developing diabetics and high blood pressure because they feel constrained.
Leave emotionally and mentally by making your marriage the topmost priority in your life. Each day, each moment, your marriage must come first.
One flesh in marriage is derived from the Hebrew word dapaq which means to stick together, keep tight or solder. It is about total commitment, intimacy, affection and loyalty.
You mutually bestow and accept each other (to the exclusion of all others) for life. This gives you true identity and independence.
Make space for your marriage
Every nation, like marriage, is unique with its strengths and weaknesses. You need space to grow your marriage, create and explore life on your own so that you can find solutions to the challenges you face.
Spend quality time together with your spouse even if it means leaving your children and travelling away from home. This is an easy way to deepen your intimacy and solidify your marriage.
Avoid third party interventions
A marriage without conflicts is dead because conflicts are part of life and therefore part of all marriages.
When you have problems, the best way is to handle it with your spouse alone because no one will understand your issues better.
Your friends and in-laws may give you the worst advice because they will act on emotions and not on true facts. They will take your story out and magnify it.
One surest way to lose your independence is to bring in others to solve your marital problems.
Grow your tradition
Every nation has its tradition, an established practice to doing the same meaningful activities over an extended period of time.
It could be special foods for special occasions, travels to your hometown and celebrating special occasions in your marriage.
It provides a feeling of security and unity. You create memories and build strong bonds.
Let your marriage be truly independent
After many years of independence, some question if Ghana is truly independent. We go to other countries with cup in hand. Over the years, our budgets have between 25 – 40 per cent donor support.
We import everything from plantain, rice, fish and onions to matches and computers. We have expatriates in all the crucial areas of our economy and have therefore opened ourselves to external controls.
We are still struggling to find the true Ghanaian identify based on our culture and traditions.
Dare to make your marriage independent
Draw a good balance so that your work, friends and in-laws do not interfere with your marriage.
You must also avoid trying to duplicate a marriage that appears good because what works for one couple may be a failure to another.
What you need is autonomy because it promotes intimacy. Your success in marriage begins with making it truly independent.
Email: [email protected].
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your guide to Marriage’ ‘Love Unlimited’ and ‘The journey of love’
