Good & Healthy Relationship Advice & Tips
Are you planning to leave your lover?
Dr John Boakye
Relationships
5 minutes read
This provision puts most women in sharia law in a state of constant fear because their husbands could tell them talaq and sack them with no questions asked anytime they did or said something wrong.
Imagine what would happen if we had such a law in Ghana!
Before you leave your relationship
Appreciate that all relationships are difficult. It appears men come from Mars and women from Venus to meet on earth by accident. We can never understand each other because our needs and values are different. Therefore, it is impossible to be in a relationship without problems.
The fact that you have conflicts does not mean there is something wrong with it. It simply means you are normal, alive and in a relationship. In fact, a fair fight with your lover could be an opportunity for growth in your relationship.
Never assume the grass is greener at the other side; it is greener where you are if you water it.
Studies show about 70 per cent of conflicts have no solutions because they are caused by our differences in temperament, background and sexuality.
Your best option is to stay and commit yourself to cope with the challenges you face. In fact in most relationships, it takes one committed partner to turn things around.
If you are always facing problems in your relationship, chances are you are part of the problems because your lover merely reacts to what you do or say. Examine your role in your relationship and see what you can do differently and better.
Resolve to be the burden bearer and not the burden. Most conflicts will stop with you if you show unconditional love.
Assess your lover. List his or her good qualities, such as honesty, appreciation, commitment, kindness, forging spirit and spirituality. Also, list his or her warning signs, such as intolerance, inequality, dishonesty, secrecy, multiple relationships and abuse.
Compare your list and find out where the scale tilts. You may find that your lover is much better than you thought.
Don’t expect too much from your lover. Avoid unrealistic expectations, like expecting your lover to make you happy. Nobody can; only you can. Therefore, happy yourself.
Studies show that men leave relationships more than women. When a man feels threatened by failure, he leaves to protect his ego.
Women on the other hand love to stay and work on their relationships. In fact, studies show that if a woman is looking for 10 things in a relationship but finds two, she may stay; but if a man is looking for 10 things in a relationship but finds eight, he may leave. Men!
You must accept that not every relationship will work, no matter how hard you try. Most relationships are programmed to fail right from the start because we do not prepare right or choose the right partners.
If you are sure you have done your best but do not see any improvement, then the most obvious thing is to leave, but ensure your decision is based on logic but not on emotions.
You should never give more than your heart to anybody in the name of relationship.
How to leave
Arrange to meet at a convenient place and time. A neutral place may be better. Gather courage and tell your lover in a firm tone that you cannot continue with the relationship.
Be calm and confident about what you say. Don’t give details for your decision. Don’t accept excuses or give in to a discussion. You may hug and say goodbye.
What you must never do is to withdraw, ignore your lover and hope he/she will know you are no longer interested in the relationship.
If someone loves you, he or she may be blinded by your unkind words or actions and work harder to restore a relationship which is dead in spirit.
You must also not tell your lover you need space when your real motive is to leave the relationship.
You must also avoid the use of text messages or asking someone to do your dirty work for you, and definitely avoid saying talaq three times!
If for nothing at all, you have once loved each other and shared great moments. You must, therefore, show great courtesy and respect as you leave even though leaving may be painful.
Wish each other well as you move on with your lives.
