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Do you choose your wife or mother?

BY: Dr John Boakye
A tug of war goes on between your mother and wife for life and drawing a balance becomes a big challenge
A tug of war goes on between your mother and wife for life and drawing a balance becomes a big challenge

Recently a woman travelled from the Ashanti Region to Accra and stormed the home of her son.

It was obvious to the young wife that her in-law was not in for a holiday or friendly visit because the old lady turned down all protocols like greetings, amane3 and drinking water.

When the husband returned from work the message the mother gave was simple; she wanted the wife out of the house because she was behind the son neglecting her.

The young wife wept and as she tried to explain that her husband had lost his job and she had to support her family single-handedly and, sometimes, had to rely on her parents for help, the husband looked on confused and perhaps wondered which side to support.

Fact is the influence some parents have on their children is known to be the leading causes of conflicts and divorce in Ghana.

Some in-laws interfere in the marriages of their children thinking they are demonstrating love and care when in fact they don’t allow couples the privacy to mature their marriage.

Some young couples also resist interference and set up a rivalry. In Akan, it is common for a wife to refer to her mother-in-law as ase korafo or one who doubles as an in-law and a rival.

Your mother
You carry her genes and, therefore, she is the reason for your life. She carried you in her womb for nine months.

As a child, you were the most hopeless living thing but she nurtured you and made great sacrifices to get you where you are.

Your mother gave birth to you and you bond with her for life

She is the only mother you will ever have. It is now your time to pay back for all she has done for you.

Your wife
When you marry you become one flesh with your wife. She is your sexual partner and the mother of your children.

She is your helpmate who contributes to the upkeep of your home. She is the woman behind your success.

Your wife makes you emotionally and physically healthier. She offers opportunities for you to improve your immune system and, therefore, lower the risk of diseases. With her support you are likely to live longer.

Your marriage gives you the opportunity to be more productive and richer. You have more wealth and are less likely to have psychiatric disorders than the unmarried.

Your marriage gives you a social status because in Ghana single adults do not earn much respect.

The challenge
Your mother gave birth to you and you bond with her for life. You belong to your extended family or abusua for life and by our tradition your wife is not part of your abusua but one who gives you children.

A mother sees her son as a ‘little husband’ and has the tendency to build strong ties with him. She sees her son as an intimate part of her.

In fact the life of many Ghanaian mothers revolve around their sons. If she is widowed or in a bad marriage, she transfers her emotional bond to the son.

Any woman trying to break the bond is seen as an enemy. In fact, some women confess that when their sons marry they weep in private or get depressed

Whom do you choose?
When you marry you become one flesh with your spouse. You belong to each other for life because marriage is meant to be indissoluble.

A man, therefore, belongs to two places at the same time. A tug of war goes on between your mother and wife for life and drawing a balance becomes a big challenge for many Ghanaian men.

Some choose their mothers over their wives and argue that you can have an ex-wife but never an ex- mother. Some, however, choose their wives over their mothers.

Two years ago a man won a lottery and got an expensive sewing machine. His mother demanded it and so did his wife.

Interestingly, neither the mother nor the wife really needed it because they didn’t know how to sew and had not shown any interest in sewing.

The man gave it to his wife and his decision almost destroyed his ties with his mother. Some of his family members even claimed his wife had cast a spell on him.

 Your wife is your helpmate who contributes to the upkeep of your home

We ask; whom do you choose; your mother or wife?

If you have to choose, divine order mandates you to put your wife first and, therefore, choose her over every human being - mother, father, children, friends and family members and over everything including work and hobbies.

If you choose your wife over others you choose yourself because you are one flesh with her. Let your father choose his wife.

If you choose your mother it will be double voting on duplicate pink sheet! You lose both wife and mother’s vote.

On the other hand, if you vote for your wife you will be blessed because you do what God wants you to do and your blessing will spill over to your wife, mother, relatives and humanity.

Therefore, each day, no matter the circumstances, choose your wife over everybody and everything and you will be happy you did because God’s blessing will overflow on you.

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