How can I be confident?
Dear Auntie Betty, I am shy and do not know how to be confident.
What can I do? Please help me.
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Steph,
Accra.
Dear Steph, Sometimes shyness is a temporary phase for teenagers because at this stage they become very self-conscious - how they look, what they say, wear, and even how they relate to the opposite sex.
So you do not have to worry too much about it because you may overcome it. Some people are naturally reserved or quiet and tend to be shy, while other people are shy because of life’s experiences or how they are nurtured.
To overcome your shyness and boost your confidence, you must not label yourself as ‘shy’ but be convinced that with time, effort, and the willingness to change, you can conquer.
You have to believe in yourself. I would advise that you move from your comfort zone by trying new things or activities such as joining a reading, drama or sporting club, choir, or any group that will enable you to interact and meet new people, learn new skills, or discover a talent.
Try and take an active part in activities organised by your school or church, especially those that would make you speak or perform an activity in front of a group of people to build your confidence. Although these may be difficult in the beginning, with time you would improve on your confidence level and enjoy such engagements.
Sometimes the fear of rejection, making mistakes, or people judging us makes us coil into our shell but you should not be afraid of making mistakes. We learn from our mistakes. So do not be afraid to speak up or share jokes in an appropriate manner with your friends and do not worry if you make a mistake or are rejected.
Do not pay attention to people who bully, tease, or mock you. Muster courage to raise your hand to answer or ask questions in class. This also means that you have to study hard to give the right answers.
You must also have good personal hygiene because you have to be comfortable with yourself and your body.
When you are home, make sure you grab opportunities that will build your self-confidence. Engage your parents or siblings in conversation, ask questions, and also tell your parents to coach you on how to do certain basic things.
Additionally, know what your strengths are and continue to reinforce that in your mind. Try and learn how to develop what is known as positive self-talk. Your thoughts affect how you feel about yourself.
So always try and reframe the negative thoughts that come into your mind to positive ones. For example, instead of saying to yourself, ‘I am shy so I cannot answer questions in class’ why don’t you turn it around to a more positive tone as: ‘I can answer questions in class if I work hard.’
Be proud of who you are, hold your head high and that is what people will appreciate about you.
All the best.