She doesn’t want to lose her virginity

Dear Auntie Betty, My elder sister is 18 and in Level 100 in the university. She told me that she had a boyfriend who was asking her to sleep with him.

But my sister is a virgin and does not want to lose her virginity now.


She is confused about what to do because she says she loves the boy. How can I help her make the right decision? Please help me.


Dear Tina, It seems you are close to your sister and so I’ll advise that you tell her to be bold and have a heart-to-heart with her boyfriend.

She should explain to him exactly how she feels. Being intimate with a boyfriend is not the way to prove you love him.

At this stage in your sister’s life, she is vulnerable — emotionally and physically — and at risk in her sexual life and she has to be strong and well informed to make the right decision.

She should not yield to pressure to do something that she is not willing to do because it may lead to life-long complications.

For instance, she may get pregnant or get a sexually transmitted infection (STI) from being intimate with her boyfriend. She may also be filled with guilt or regret when things do not go as planned.

What if her boyfriend starts ignoring her immediately after having his way with her?

I have to admit that in this age and time where issues about sex are in your face every day and everywhere — on television, the Internet and social media platforms — it is difficult to preach abstinence, but it is important that she practises self-control and hold on to her conviction of remaining a virgin.

She is young and it pays to wait because the right time will definitely come. Waiting will let her have a clear conscience and peace of mind. Waiting for the right time may improve the relationship because they will spend more time to get to know each other better.

Additionally, waiting may help her find the right partner who values her for who she is and not just her body.
If her boyfriend respects, values and loves her, then he will listen to her view and not put pressure on her to sleep with him. He will understand and wait as well.

It is important that she avoids being alone with her boyfriend at obscure places because once he has made his intentions known, it is likely he will continue to find ways to get what he wants.

For now, they can get to know each other better by being interested in each other’s thoughts, hopes, dreams and aspirations and helping each other to succeed in life — but certainly not sleeping together.

Your sister could also talk to your mum or an elderly person she trusts who can advise her on such issues.
All the best.

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