When lovers keep blaming each other
Human nature is selfish and negatively biased. You fight for what you need when and how you need it. If your needs are not met, you tend to blame it on your lover.
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You ignore the lump in your eyes and criticise the speck in your lover’s eyes.
You focus on what your lover is doing wrong and minimise the good things he or she does for you and your lover does the same to you. Simply put you play the blame game.
How the blame game works
Your lover says or does something not pleasing to you. It may be a genuine mistake or error of judgement but you focus on the fault and accuse your lover without looking at your side of the problem.
There is blame and defensiveness from both parties. You bring in the past and irrelevant mistakes as you argue about who did what instead of looking at what you can do better.
A young man is always accusing his woman of cheating and he gets very mad at her and sometimes abuses her physically.
The woman says he hardly sees him and he hardly calls. He is also not affectionate and he makes her feel unwanted.
The blame game goes on when all they need to do is to find time for each other and romance their relationship
Effect of blame game
You see your lover as your problem and solution and think you will be happy if he or she did what you want.
You have bad feeling about each other and you both get frustrated.
You set yourself up for conflict which may predispose you to physical, mental and emotional harm.
How to get over blame game
Put the focus on yourself: Every problem in a relationship is shared. You must, therefore, take responsibility for your part in every challenge in your relationship.
If things go wrong, find out what you can do differently to nurture your relationship.
You are in charge of how you feel and react.
Nobody can make you angrier than you can make yourself. You cannot change your partner.
Never let your partner or issues in your relationship run your life because no one including your lover can make you happy. Only you can.
Have the realistic expectation of your relationship: Accept that it is impossible to have a relationship without conflicts.
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