Lady, make that move
Men and women are basically the same. For example, we all fall in love when our brains stimulate the production of chemicals like dopamine and epinephrine which give us a rosy outlook of life.
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You feel good about yourself and feel on top of the world. You yearn to share special moments with your loved one.
When a man falls in love with a woman, he acts boldly on his feelings and approaches the woman in many ways depending on his experience and resources.
On the other hand, when a woman falls in love her situation becomes tricky and dicey. Many are hesitant to do anything about it. They prefer to suffer than to make a move.
Why women do not propose
Akans say it is the dog that looks for a bone and not the other way round. In the Ghanaian culture it is the man who is expected to propose.
The woman is expected to play hard to get before giving the green light no matter how badly she loves the man.
A woman who proposes to a man is seen as cheap, fast, pushy, desperate and not worthy of love. She is said to have offered ‘scholarship’.
In some cases, if a woman proposes and there are problems, the man is quick to retort that the relationship wasn’t his idea in the first place but was forced on him by the woman.
Such a remark can be humiliating to a woman. Most Ghanaian women therefore have a simple principle; a man proposes, a woman accepts.
Can a woman propose?
Recently a woman marriage counsellor said on radio that a lady must behave like a rose – wait on the plant to be picked! Really? In this 21st century? And what if no one comes to pluck you?
For one thing, ladies are not roses; at least they have feelings , can speak, move and act.
In this era of gender equality when women are matching men boot for boot in all areas of human development, there is no reason why a woman cannot propose in a relationship which is the most important human development.
Whatever a man can do, a woman can also do and even better. Again, the most important emotional need of a woman is affection. Sometimes you may have to help out when a man has a ‘POP’ mouth.
You therefore have to put your pride and traditional norms aside and let your heart lead you to where you find comfort. A relationship is not a dog and bone matter; it is a matter of the heart.
How to propose to a man
Create opportunities to be together because time together promotes bonding. Show affection because actions speak louder than words.
Let him know he makes you happy. Call just to say ‘hi’. Send small gifts. You may also ask him to do little things for you because men need emotional fulfilment as they help women.
Sometimes simple comments like ‘I have been thinking of you, how do you feel about me and how is our friendship going --have done the trick. If you are smart, you can hook your man without him knowing it was your own ‘presidential initiative’.
Lady, make that move
If you find a man you love, go after him relentlessly. Get the one you love and not just the one who has proposed to you. It is better to try and lose than to spend the rest of your life in regret.
Many women have made the move and won. We read in the Good Book how Ruth did it to Boaz. A lady did it to a handsome man who later became president of the US.
But for her move she would never have been a former first lady. You too can be a ‘big somebody ’just because you made the move.
Today, eligible men are hard to get. The young, bold and beautiful women are flooding the love market. If you just sit waiting for someone to come, time may pass by you.
Remember time is a woman’s greatest enemy. The time to look for your lover is now. The way to do it is to go out there and look for one who is your right fit.
If you find one you love, pursue him; be ‘wild’ and track him down with all the arsenals and resources you have.
Email: [email protected].
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your guide to Marriage’ ‘Love Unlimited’ and ‘The journey of love’
