Just be yourself
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”-Kurt Vonnegut.
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Can you guess the outcome of what happens, when children activate their persistent pester power and their parents succumb to every demand they crave?
They will end up raising spoiled children. Because in the first place, they have already created the impression that they are rich and thus, can provide everything the child wants. So at a point in time when the child realises that his needs are not met, the child starts thinking that his or her parents can afford it and are just being mean.
The same thing is happening in our relationships today.
Have you wondered why she or he nags a lot these days? Have you sat down to reflect on what could have gone amiss? I think it is high time you stopped accusing your partner and blame yourself.
Have you forgotten how you used to call her every day, in the morning, afternoon and evening before she goes to bed at the initial stages of your relationship? This attitude is mostly associated with guys. When some guys meet ladies for the first time and make their intentions known to them, they can call to check up on the lady more than three times in a day and after going out for some months or years, the number of calls begin to wane which send wrong signals to their partners.
They start thinking about what could possibly go wrong - could it be that he doesn’t love me anymore? Have I done something wrong? Is he cheating on me? - These are some of the questions they ask themselves, even if they are wrong. When you forget to call her a day, that will be the genesis of your relationship problems.
My advice: Do not start something you cannot finish.
Almost everyone is wearing a mask to hide their true face and feelings for fear of being rejected by their potential lover should they discover who they really are. But the question is, does love really know no bound?
Love they say, knows no reason, no boundaries, no distance. It has a sole intention of bringing people together to a time called forever.
In reality though, pretending makes us even more alienated. Relationships can’t be genuine when we feign. They are shallow and empty. There cannot be any honest communication between people in relationships built around pretence. By pretending to be someone else, others cannot reach your soul, they cannot understand you. Hence, all intimacy is lost.
Most guys go to the extreme length of borrowing money, sneakers and clothes from their friends just to impress their potential girlfriends, forgetting that you cannot borrow forever.
Consider this scenario: A lady from a poor background met a man who was interested in her. This lady had branded herself as “high class” and anytime the man dropped her off, she would direct him to the wrong house just because she was ashamed of her own family. One day, the man came to her area and saw the lady entering an uncompleted building; he decided to follow her thinking that she might be cheating on him but to his surprise, he met a woman and after asking a few questions, realized that she was his girlfriend’s mother. The man was hurt and told her that if he had known about the condition of her family, he wouldn't have been taking her to the restaurant to spend lavishly on food; rather, he would have preferred buying a bag of rice and other stuffs so that all the family could cook and eat. The lady lying about who she really was led to the breakup of their relationship.
So now, who told you that lying about yourself will help you win the heart of the one you love? You will soon end up breaking your own heart, and theirs too.
HONESTY IS VITAL IN A RELATIONSHIP
Before you can be honest with someone, you have to be honest with yourself first.
Never lie about yourself to the one you love because the truth will definitely come out.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep all in the name of impressing your potential lover.
Let your yes be yes and your no, no. This will let your partner know the caliber of person you are, and he is more likely to be sincere in his dealings with you.
Try as much as possible to be transparent in all your day-to -day activities because it pays to be honest.