How to improve your sex life this year
Every year your resolutions sound the same: Save more money. Lose some weight. Lay off the booze. See your buds more. And while all of those are admirable goals, why not make a resolution that benefits your body and your relationship? In fact, in 2014, why not pledge to have the best sex of your life?
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We think you should. And we’re here to help. That’s why we’ve scoured the latest research and phoned the leading experts to create a list that’s guaranteed to bring you more pleasure in the New Year.
From spanking to role-play, you’re only seven steps away from a happier, healthier sex life.
Spice up your pillow talk
Grunts and moans may make your point, but telling her want you want and how she makes you feel is a better way to make her temperature rise. “It’s sexy for her to hear your desires in bed, because you’re both in such an uninhibited state,” explains Emily Morse, host of the Sex with Emily radio show. And don’t be afraid to get dirty: The more couples used “crude language” between the sheets—opting for “tits” over “breasts” or “blow job” instead of “oral sex”—the more satisfied they felt with their sexual communication, according to a study in the Journal of Sex Research.
Extend foreplay
Make out. Perform oral. Get her off. Finish. If this is what your typical charade in the sheets looks like, shake up your routine. “The notion that women want foreplay, then sex needs to be retired,” says Morse. Kissing, caressing, and breast play should take place throughout sex, she explains. This makes sense: A woman’s mouth and neck are the third and fourth most erogenous zones on her body, according to a recent study from the U.K., so pay extra attention to these sensitive spots during sex.
Show her your kinky side
Take a walk on the wild side: Couples who experimented with bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism (BDSM) are more in tune with their sexual desires and report feeling more secure with their partners, according to a study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Not ready to invest in handcuffs? Try spanking. Just a forewarning: Men often make the mistake of spanking too high on the cheek, which could cause her pain because you’re closer to bone, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., founder of Loveology University, an online resource for sex knowledge. Aim lower for the fleshier area of her cheeks, Cadell explains.
Bring the action outdoors
A private tryst in a public place is a rush that’s hard to top. Warm her up to the idea by trying a place that’s tame—like the apartment balcony or hot tub—then work your way up, suggests Morse. Another thing to keep in mind: The rendezvous should include plenty of manual stimulation before clothes start being removed, that way you minimize the length of exposure. (It is illegal to be naked in public.)
Watch porn together
Porn doesn’t have to be your dirty little secret. Sixty nine—yes, really, 69—per cent of women said they’d be open to watching porn with their partner if he initiated the conversation, according to a new survey from “Good in Bed,” Men’s Health, and Women’s Health. Kickstart the conversation by saying, 'I'm happy with our sex life, but let's try this once. It's something we can enjoy together,” suggests Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., the Men’s Health Sex Professor.
Discover her deepest desires
Turn her fantasies into reality by asking her a couple of not-so-innocent questions—like what she thinks about while she masturbates, says Morse. Or, ask if there’s anything she’s always wanted to try in bed, but was too embarrassed to admit. By asking directly, you’re more likely to get an honest answer. And if you share your desires first, it takes the pressure to reciprocate off her shoulders, says Morse.
Bring her friend to bed
Sorry man, we’re not talking about her hot coworker. We’re talking about the one in her nightstand—her vibrator. Already feeling outgunned? Don’t. A woman will never love a sex toy the same way she loves a man. Plus, research shows that 67 per cent of women are dying to explore these uncharted territories with you. So make her buzzing buddy an ally—not enemy.