Fear, the unseen killer
Today, majority of partners are in painful and lifeless relationships because they live in fear, a protective mechanism of the unconscious mind against what may go wrong with you. This includes harm, isolation, depression, neglect and abuse.
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Studies show there are five top failures in relationships. The first is the fear of rejection or break up. The fear that your relationship may fail is real especially if all you see are selfishness, dishonesty, criticism, immorality, substance abuse and poor communication.
The second greatest fear is cheating. You bend over to do all you can for your lover but you see indications your lover may cheat on you especially if it had happened before.
History
The third is about relationship history. You do your best but all your relationships end on the rocks without good reason. You fear that if it happened to you before it may happen to you again.
In some cases you may think your parents never had a good marital life and the same may happen to you.
The fourth is fear of disconnection or falling out of love. The fifth is the fear of the unknown.
The danger of fear
Fear impacts negatively on your life. It causes panic attacks, shortness of breath, irregular heartbeats and a feeling of tiredness.
A lover living with fear is unable to concentrate. This may come at a cost to his or her career, academics and relationship.
Fear is an unseen killer. Studies show a significant number of people die not because of their ailments but out of fear of dying.
In fact, many years ago a medical psychologist was alleged to have killed many normal and healthy people simply by telling them they were going to die. Many of them died within the period he gave them!
Fear prevents you from committing to your relationship. You cannot trust your lover because it breaks down your motivation and self-esteem. It paralyses your heart and kills true love before it is born. It is the beginning of an end to your relationship.
Overcoming fear
Find out what you are afraid of and its effect in the worst possible scenario on your relationship. Address your fear.
List all you can do to make your relationship work. Appreciate that in most cases it takes only one committed partner to turn things around.
If you want to get rid of fear so that your relationship improves, put the focus on yourself and improve upon yourself .
Talk the problem out with your lover. Admit your fear and your determination to make things work.
Your problem could be impatience, immaturity, unrealistic expectation or poor communication.
Decide if you have chosen the right partner
The choice of a partner is the most important decision of your life. A wrong choice can put you in fear for life. If you do not see anything working, hug and say goodbye. It is pointless staying in a relationship that has no future.
If you think you are satisfied with your partner, learn to cope with what you cannot change.
Accept that no relationship is perfect. You can’t have it alkalis. Accept that the fact that you have problems does not mean there is something wrong with your relationship.
If you focus on the bright side of your lover, your fears will diminish.
Fear, the unseen killer
Fear comes when you lose your faith in your lover and think nothing is enough to overcome your difficulty. You develop negative energy which predisposes you to many physical, mental and spiritual harm.
Fear breaks down your self-esteem. Nothing poisons you and your relationship faster than fear. Your only hope for a fulfilling relationship is to get rid of fear.
True love needs an open heart free from fear. If you live in fear, not even the most suitable partner will be good enough for you.
No doubt the Good Book has enough verses for each day to warn us about fear.
If you want true love, get rid of fear because true love and fear cannot live in the same heart.
Email: [email protected].
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your guide to Marriage’ ‘Love Unlimited’ and ‘The journey of love’