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Envy, the great barrier to love

 

When you marry, you are supposed to be united and act as one flesh. You are a team and must support each other and make mutual decisions.

The success of one should be the success of both.

Unfortunately, this does not happen in many marriages. Today, many partners seek to possess what their lovers have and may be disappointed if they do not get it.

This is envy; your mind and heart desire something that is possessed by your lover and you may have resentment and spite at seeing the success of your lover or other people in relationships.

Imagine the case of a lady who went home to break the good news of her promotion. As she listed the facilities that went with her post, her husband made a quick arithmetic and found her wife would make twice his income.

The following week, he resigned from his civil service job to go into business. Apparently, his only target was to earn more than his wife.

He had no money or business plan. After six months at home doing nothing, his marriage collapsed. This is envy for you!

Envy shows in two ways – internal and external. In internal envy, a lover wishes to possess the traits, qualities and achievements of his or her lover.

In some cases, a lover sleeping better, having a higher post, earning more income, having a pleasant lifestyle including dressing or having a higher social recognition can be a cause of envy by a lover.

There are also many cases of husbands who envy their own children because they have taken over the monopoly of the attention and sometimes the breasts of their wives!

In external envy, a lover looks beyond his or her marriage and focuses on the qualities of other marriages. A man may wish his wife was as beautiful  as the other women he meets. A woman may wish her husband was as rich and popular as some men she knows.

Some envy other marriages as they compare the houses, cars and finances of other couples. This becomes a fertile soil for infidelity

The danger

Envy never accomplishes anything good. It merely causes dissatisfaction. It integrates relationships and marriages from inside. It may lead to bitterness and isolation.

When you are envious, you always find fault with your lover and overlook his or her good qualities. It harms you and your relationship.

It is one of the most dangerous sins of all. It caused Cain to kill his brother, Abel. It caused Joseph’s brothers to sell him into slavery and Jesus to be crucified.

The most miserable person you can find in a relationship is one who is filled with envy of his or her lover.

Love the great barrier

The wall of Jericho is believed to be 15 feet high and  five feet wide. It was surrounded by a trench which was 15 feet wide and nine feet deep.

No one could get over it.

Envy is the ‘wall of Jericho’ in your relationship. With envy, you could never truly love. No wonder envy is sometimes called green monster because where envy is, you never find true love
Love does not envy. If you truly love your spouse, your concern will be his or her holistic development. At the same time, be satisfied with your own portion.
Never want to be anyone else, not even your lover because we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. No one has it all.
Love, accept and support your lover for what he or she is and does.
Work through everything together  so that you come out stronger and more committed.
­It becomes easier to celebrate the good fortunes of your lover and rejoice with him or her as he or she is blessed. If you cast away , you break down the ‘wall of Jericho’ and get into the promised land of a fulfilling relationship.

Email:  [email protected].
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your guide to Marriage’ ‘Love Unlimited’ and ‘The journey of love’

 

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