We have needs that can best be met only by our lovers.
One important way lovers meet other needs is through affection which is a specific expression that results in a feeling of closeness, passion and intimacy.
Since these are essential ingredients of a happy relationship, affection is a good indicator of the health of a relationship.
This means you can grow or destroy your relationship by the quality and effectiveness of affection you show.
What you must know
Know what makes your lover feel loved. Speak the affection language of your lover so that your actions can be fully appreciated by your lover.
This is important because lovers have different values and interests in our genuine attempts to show love.
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Very often, our attitude to affection is rooted in our early memories. Those who were loved during infancy tend to show and respect affection.
On the other hand, those who are abused tend to be insensitive and abusive. Generally, men are hand lovers. They appreciate practical ways of showing affection.
They love working together with their lovers or sharing intellectual pursuits such as reading and analyzing topics on say politics and business.
On the other hand, women are generally heart lovers.
They appreciate connecting emotionally such as speaking affirmative words.
Also, appreciate that while a man’s greatest emotional needs are respect, sex, attractive woman and domestic care, a woman’s greatest needs are conversation, companionship, commitment and financial support.
You need to know your lover and give each other your heart’s desire at the right times and right places.
How to show affection
Never be too busy for your lover. Instead, find quality time to be together and share activities you both enjoy. Sit and talk about everything which comes to mind.
Watch and listen to music together.
Hold each other tenderly and hug often.
Physical touch stimulates production of chemicals that sustains long-term relationships. Go out often.
A walk, shopping is a good way to show affection.
Express your love openly.
Sit close to each other, especially at social functions. A little flirting and cuddling add spark to the relation. Be playful and see the fun side of life.
Humour dispels anger.
It has many physical and emotional benefits.
You must be good friends to be good lovers.
Time together creates bonding.
Be in constant touch when you are apart.
Some lovers, especially women fear disconnection.
Send whatsApp, e-mails and notes very often to say “ Hi” or “ l love you” or “ l am sorry”.
Write love letters and even add funny sketches.
Speak words of motivation and appreciation.
Do not take it for granted that your woman knows you love her because you do a lot for her.
She may know that you love her but she wants to hear you show it! Loving words get magnified in a woman’s brain and melts her heart.
Fight but fight fair and make up.
Conflicts are inevitable in all relationships. Listen to each other with empathy.
If there is anything your lover worries about, see it as important to him or her and just do it.
Apologise if you are wrong and learn to forgive.
If you sacrifice anything to make your lover better, you are simply showing love.
Do whatever you can to support and build your love.
Give gifts often. Gifts create goodwill and dispel conflicts.
Your gifts need not to be elaborate. They are thoughtful acts of love.
Studies show your woman would give you the same mark for a small or big act of kindness.
Therefore, do not restrict your gifts to special occasions.
Let your gifts be regular so that you can score high marks from your lover.
Do acts of service. These are activities you perform outside your typical household chores to ease the burden on your lover and therefore, show love and care.
A husband may cook for his wife and a woman may wash her man’s car.
A generous act can be as small as giving your lover a glass of water.
Regular acts of service will make up for your wrong acts and improve your marriage.
Do what your lover loves without expecting a reward. No task is too small to show your love.
Do you show affection to your lover?
Showing affection is crucial because you win your lover’s heart, mind and soul.
Studies have shown that affection can lower your blood sugar levels and risk of depression or stress.
On the other hand, if you lack affection, you miss out much of the trill a relationship has to offer.
You also begin to fear your relationship is falling apart.
The best way to get into a relationship and stay in it is to keep sharing affection.