There is time for everything under the sun; a time to fall in love and a time to marry. The first caution when you decide to choose a life partner is that marriage is not a profession or a contract which you can change at will.
Instead it is a life decision because as the Akans put it, marriage is not like palm wine which you can taste and not drink. It has two essentials – total unity and indissolubility.
Choosing a life partner is, therefore, the most important decision you will ever make in your life. You must, therefore, do this carefully and prayerfully.
Steps in choosing a life partner
Group date and make many friends of the opposite sex. With time, you may fall in love with one of them because he or she has qualities you admire. Then you can go steady.
Talk about your physical qualities such as age, birth history, family background, tribe, academic background, work, money, health, friends and gender roles.
Talk about your ethical qualities such as honesty, loyalty, appreciation, encouragement, mutual respect, commitment, genuine affection, mutual trust and sense of humour.
Talk about your mental qualities such as attraction, temperament and neurotic traits. Remember one in four Ghanaians has mental challenge of a sort. This helps you to understand your partner’s past, personality, values and dreams.
Pay attention to how your lover treats his or her friends, family members, associates and colleagues. It is a fair indicator of how he or she will treat you.
Talk of how you can meet each other’s needs. Make sure you can cope with your lover’s weaknesses.
Take time to compare who you have and who you want. If you cannot picture yourself with your lover in the next 30 years then he or she may not be the partner for you.
Invest quality time for serious courtship. It should be within six months to two years. If it is too short, you may not have enough time to know each other well. If it is too long, the relationship may go stale and you may lose the passion to marry.
In the end, you must be convinced that life with your partner will be better for both of you than without each other. See the partner you have chosen as one you have decided to share your life with for life.
Today, studies show 75 per cent of women and 60 per cent of men think they married the wrong partners. If you do not choose right, you put your marriage at risk. Never think marriage is easy and instinctive.
Some people can never be good husbands or wives. You must, therefore, look before you leap. Never marry if you cannot give or receive total commitment, passion and intimacy.
Never marry for wealth, beauty, fame, out of sympathy, to please family and society. Never marry because you are pregnant, want to be taken care of or live outside Ghana. Never choose by chance, looks or emotions. Do not settle for somebody just to have anyone.
Are you choosing a life partner?
Marriage is a gift of our Maker with amazing benefits but it is the greatest journey ever told. If you desire to enjoy its amazing benefits, you have to choose right so that you are equally yoked.
Always remember you can influence and encourage your lover to get better. If you take your lover as he or she is and resolve to sacrifice to make him or her better, you will have a fulfilling marriage.
The message is simple. Your choice of life partner will make or unmake you for life. Choose wisely to set up your marriage for success.