Ways to maintain relationships
At the end of 2013, many of us took stock of the important things in our lives. The questions some of us asked were whether we were doing well at work. Were we healthy?Did we have enough money; and are we saving as much as we could? Did we keep any of last year’s New Year resolutions?
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In making all these reviews, it is important to consider our relationships. There's good scientific evidence that having meaningful and fulfilling high quality relationships is among the best predictors of happiness.
This does not simply mean having a great boyfriend or wife; we are talking about the whole aspects of one’s relationship, including experiences with your parents, friends, your kids and your lovers.
Our happiness
All these relationships count toward our happiness. It is important to realise that one of the best things one can do for one’s health and happiness is to cultivate great relationships.
With this fact in mind and as 2014 enters the 23rd day, it makes perfect sense to see if there are ways to improve our relationships. Great idea, but how should we go about this type of review? And, more importantly, what should we do if we need to make some changes?
Think about your relationship with the following — your partner, parents, kids, best friends, other friends, colleagues your siblings, your in-laws and other relatives, co-workers you don't consider friends, other people in your life and people you hate and/or think hate you.
For each person in a given type of relationship, ask yourself how you feel — take your emotional temperature for that specific relationship and ask yourself whether you feel satisfied with this relationship? Does this relationship make you happy? Is this relationship fun and exciting? Is there too much conflict or stress in this relationship? Is there too much jealousy? Is it too competitive or there is a lot of other bad stuff? Is the other partner in the relationship taking advantage of you?
Final assessment
Make your final assessment and classify the relationships into one of the three categories below:
Green: Things are going well to very well. No major changes needed. Stay the course. Build on the positive experiences with this person.
Yellow: Something is amiss. Corrective action is needed. The relationship is repairable but action is needed. You may need to initiate more contact, less contact or even a direct conversation about the nature of your interactions.
Red: Big changes are needed — a breakup, a divorce, or, in cases where you can't get out (say, with your parents or your boss), a definite transition or major evolution in the nature of the relationship.
Action plan
This red-light/green-light assessment is just your first step. All assessments — be they of relationships, a problem with the brakes in your car or a clogged artery — must end with a good action plan.
For relationships in the Yellow Zone, ask yourself two additional questions: What, specifically, do I want? Is what I want achievable? If the answer to the second question is "No," then you need to reconsider whether the relationship can be improved in any real way. You either have to accept it as it is (i.e. move the person to the Green Zone), or, if you can't live with it, think about making a much bigger change (i.e. move the person to the Red Zone).
“If you really want to have good relationships, you must tend them. You must maintain them regularly, just as you would your car or anything else you want to keep in good shape for a while.”