The 16 best things about being single

Webster's Dictionary defines "freedom" as "Deep conditioning your hair without judgment, putting on a freakum dress, and kissing someone who still excites you." That, and more, is why being single is the best.

1. You can take as long as you want to get ready for something without having a guy in the next room yelling the time at you. Because that special skin-tightening peppermint jojoba facial mask takes 45 minutes, and there is no way you’re taking it off even one minute early. This shit was expensive. 

2. You don't have to pretend to laugh at unfunny jokes or be secretly embarrassed about something he wears. There is not another human being that people can define and/or judge you by. 

3. You don't have to hang out with his crappy friends. Like his dickish high school crew who's obsessed with The Game.  Or that girl Amanda who always gives you the stinkeye when you’re around. Hop off my dick please, Amanda. 

4. The fizzy anticipation of going out on a Friday night and possibly meeting a great guy.

5. You have time to hang out with your friends. And none of them complain they never see you anymore. Hello, brunch. 

6. You can make out with anyone you want. Any time you want. 

7. No worrying about the constant problem known as Buying Men Presents. Eventually you get sick of the rotation of 1. A nice tie. 2. Boxers. 3. That ESPN oral history. 

8. Not having to pretend you like a shitty present. My best friend’s ex-boyfriend once gave her a necklace made out of a fork. 

9. Sex is never routine. When you do it, it's because you want to, not because "It's Wednesday night, five minutes before Kimmelstarts." 

10. You can watch Real Housewives or The Bachelor without being judged. And invite your friends over for white wine viewing parties and get hammered. 

11. On the weekend you can wake up whenever. 

12. You never have to fight him for the TV. No Nintendo unless you’re the gamer. 

13. No need to do anyone’s laundry other than your own. No skidmarked Family Guy boxers please thank you. 

14. You can hook up with a super-hot dumb guy and enjoy it for what it is. 

15. You have control of your own mess, and it is probably not literally garbage. A heap of your clothes on the floor is better than discarded Taco Bell wrappers and ephemera everywhere. 

16. You can stay out as late as you want. Without having to check in with anyone.