How to move on after a bad breakup
There is no doubt that when your partner is unfaithful, it opens up a world of pain. Here's how to get over the hurt of cheating, and get on with your life.
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• Cry like a baby: There is no pain like the pain of betrayal especially by your significant other so go ahead and crawl into bed, curl up into the fetal position and just wail if you want to.
“You’re going to go through phases of anger and sadness. Acknowledge that this is a tough time and give yourself time to grieve and permission to cry,” says psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness.
• Stay mum till you're less angry: You’re shocked. You’re wounded. You’re furious. But even though you’re tempted to scream at him or post ranting comments on Facebook, you’ll be better off if you say nothing to him or about him until your blood stops boiling.
When your stress level is high, you tend to be irrational, and you can end up saying things you regret later. So, don't talk to him until your stress level comes down.
• Take care of yourself: Get some rest, eat (at least some) real, nutritious food, exercise and even meditate. If your stress is already high, and then you add a relationship crisis on top, it makes it even harder to cope.
• Get (at least some) dirty details: You don’t necessarily need to know every sweaty detail, but to get past the pain, you do need a one-time opportunity to sit down with your guy and get every shred of information you need so you can get some closure for yourself and move forward.
• Contain the news: As women, it’s our nature to share. It’s how we get through the grieving process. But spilling the gory details to everyone you know could backfire big-time if you ultimately decide to stay together.
Pick one or two girlfriends you can really unload on and who will offer you solace without judgment, and keep it at that. If you let the world know he cheated on you, the world is going to form an opinion of him.
Then, not only do you have to forgive him, but if you take him back, you have to defend him, and that’s going to get old.
• Don't turn into Sherlock Holmes: Digging keeps you stuck in an unhealthy place and just breeds obsessive, crazy behaviour. And the danger in spying is that you’re not going to be happy until you find something.
Not only is that unhealthy and invasive, if you do find something, then you’re hurt all over again.”
• Beware the booze: A little drink seems like the perfect prescription for a broken heart but while a glass or two can take the edge off your heartache for a bit, alcohol is a depressant and can make you weepier than you were before.
• Be patient with the healing process: The most unfair thing about infidelity is that, through no fault of your own, your life suddenly gets turned upside down.
Fortunately, time really does heal all wounds and within three to four months, even the sharpest aches will dull. But you’re in for a bumpy ride in the meantime. Strap in because you’re on the emotional roller coaster.
You’re going to have good moments and bad moments, good days and bad days. It’s going to take time to recalibrate.
• Forgive him: Yes, forgive him. Right now that sounds impossible, but eventually, you’ll be able to and you’ll feel better when you do. Forgiveness is not a gift to him, it’s a gift to you.
Forgiving him doesn’t mean you forget what he did, or that it wasn’t a big deal or that you would allow it to happen again or even that you reconcile. Forgiving him just means you get rid of your anger and resentment.
You can still be sad that it happened, but you don’t want to be an angry, bitter person for the rest of your life because of something he did. You let go of your anger and hurt for yourself, not for him.
• Decide to stay or go: No question, this is a tough one. On the one hand you may still love him, on the other, you may wonder if you can ever trust him again.
Assuming that he isn’t angling to break up with you, you need to really think and decide whether you hang in or make a clean break.