Are you thinking of separation?

BY: Dr. John Boakye
Partners must think, reflect on their marriage and take responsibility for their share of problems.
Partners must think, reflect on their marriage and take responsibility for their share of problems.

Some stay committed and work through their problems but most give up and leave their marriages.

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There are also some who do not give up completely nor stand up for the relationship.

They simply physically leave their matrimonial homes.

Separation is not the same as divorce. Couples who are separated are legally married.


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Why separation?

Partners are not able to communicate effectively about their fears, anxieties, needs and failed expectations.

Today, many men are too busy to hear the complains of their lovers so they can settle their differences.

Many partners start relationships on a thrilling note.

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Soon it becomes stale and boring because partners lose their commitment and change their priorities.

Many men focus entirely on their work and make their women lonely and frustrated.

Some have clash of personalities and change their lifestyle.

A man facing problems at work, finance or future goals loses his motivation to stay in a relationship.

He restores his self-esteem with alcohol, drugs and other addictions.

Some control their women and even abuse them. Some are threatened and leave for fear of death.

The good of separation

Some partners live in intolerable situations.

They live together but cannot co-exist without a fight. Sometimes, the life of a partner is at risk.

Separation allows the dust to settle. Partners think, reflect on their marriage and take responsibility for their share of problems.

They calm down and have space to make thoughtful, unbiased decisions, especially if they get counselling from a professional.

Many partners on sober reflection find their lovers or relationship is after all not as bad as they thought.

 The bad of separation

Some partners separate in haste and anger and often after a fight.

The separation is, therefore, not planned and may create confusion on your mind, especially if you do not seek professional counselling.

Some only hope their partners would change.

When you separate, you lose physical connection.

You lose control of your relationship and, therefore lose the chance to restore it.

The devil finds work for the idle hands.

You find yourself meeting friends of the opposite sex.

You compare them with your lover and think they are better because you see the best in them.

Things may move faster than you think. You may find yourself in an inappropriate relationship.

There  are also those who make genuine attempt to go back only to find the person they thought was not good enough is taken.

It could shatter your life.

Some think that separation gives them financial and social freedom.

They feel good about their new freedom. In many cases, separation leads to divorce.

Are you thinking of separation?

Separation is a risky decision because it has no guarantees.

It can save or sink your relationship.

Separations can, therefore, be a big journey to a single life or a springboard to a happier relationship.

Separation is so risky that it should be the last resort.

You have a better chance to work on your relationship when you are staying together.

Work harder in hard times.

Admittedly, no one really wants separation but separation is inevitable.

No one should put his life on the line in the name of love.

However, with time, honesty, commitment and forgiving spirit, separation can make you better lovers.

Separation may not be your best option. Think carefully and be sure it is the best thing you want.

You are the choices you make in life. Only you can make you happy.

 

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