Retire the ‘shoulds,’ move on
The New Year has arrived! Hello January 2014! At this time of year, I am sure most of you have begun to think about what you need to change in your lifestyle.
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As one year comes to an end and another begins, many articles about setting resolutions will be written. Tips will be given on the best resolutions to make and how to keep them. You will have enough to read on that subject. So rather than follow the norm, I will be writing from a different tangent.
The end of one year and the beginning of another is an ideal time to reflect on the past and a great time to look forward.
One of the top resolutions many of us make is to lose weight, which gets to be a problem after a few weeks when most of us go back to our regular eating habits. Other topics that make the list are, “I will join a gym”, I will stop smoking”, “I will never drink again”, “I will stop overspending” and other habits detrimental to our health and wellbeing.
All these are great goals, but you know what? The truth is that most New Year resolutions are broken within just a few months of making them.
Then regrets begin to set in.
Could it be because most of the resolutions we make are already doomed to failure from the beginning? Think about it. Aren’t most of those resolutions made based on poor choices made in the past? For example, this Christmas I put aside everything I know about healthy eating and splurged on one of the most delectable cakes you can ever think about – tres leches. After all, it’s Christmas I told myself. After Christmas, no more cakes for me. It is sorely tempting now for me to make a resolution like that in 2014, no more desserts. But I won’t do that.
Several years ago, I made an analysis about some of the resolutions I made in the past. I realised that those promises didn’t change or solve the problem. It might be different for you. But some of us need a goal to work towards.
For those of us who fit in this category, we stand a better chance of healthy change if we understand the end result of being able to achieve that ‘goal’.
So this time around, I will not be announcing any lofty goals to anyone. No more New Year resolutions because I hate the sense of failure that follows when I am unable to stick to it. Instead, I will set more realistic goals for myself and I suggest you do the same. For example, if you eat a lot of fried foods, start learning new cooking methods.
I am not going to look back and say I shouldn’t have eaten that cake at Christmas. I’ve already eaten it. For sure, next time I might eat less. But as I said, no resolutions about not eating cake again.
I will make changes for my health’s sake. And it won’t be at the beginning of the year. It won’t be a do or die, all-out assault on sweets. Who says it has to be anyway? Anytime of the year is a good time as any to make any change that needs to be done.
You might not have done the things you wanted to do. No use crying over spilt milk is one of my favourite ideologies. We move on. Whatever happened, don’t wallow in regret.
When we tell ourselves we should have done something, we invite guilt and stress into our lives. I should have been a better wife, I should have lost weight, I should have this, that....
Free yourself from the word ‘should’ and move on
For sure, learn from the past but don’t beat yourself up because you didn’t achieve that lofty goal to lose 20 pounds by a self-imposed deadline. While the intention to lose weight is good, focusing on ‘weight’ often doesn’t result in long-term change. Instead, approach it with more health specific results in mind.
You don’t just want to get rid of a few pounds, you want to be more healthy, fit and energetic. Healthy eating and exercise will get you there, but you also need a mindset that is conducive to an all-around healthy lifestyle.
So here’s my proposal for January 2014—retire the ‘shoulds’ and move on. Forget about how you failed. At least you tried and hopefully learnt some lessons in the process.
Now imagine the end result of being able to effect the change. If that is not motivation enough then I don’t think the fact that it is a New Year is any stronger motivator.
What is your bigger picture? Now are you motivated enough? You may find that the finish line isn't so far away after all.
Let’s go and make 2014 our best year ever in achieving wellness in spirit, soul and body.
The writer is the author of The Seduction of Food
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