All relationships go through changing times. There are times when everything goes right and you feel on top of the world.
There are also times when no matter how hard you try, issues like work, money, health challenges and differences in values and expectations may make you feel distressed, upset, overwhelmed and hurt.
When things go wrong the first and most important step to handle your difficulties is the compassion you show your lover.
Compassion is derived from the word which means to suffer with. It is an emotion promoted by the pain of your lover. You put yourself in your lover’s shoes. It therefore gives you the active desire to alleviate the pains of your lover.
Importance of compassion
Compassion motivates you to appreciate the vulnerability of your lover. It makes you accept your partner with his or her negative set of experiences, temperaments and values.
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You want to help your lover achieve what is best for him or her. It makes your partner feel great.
Studies how for example, that one loving word or phrase when your lover is hurt can lower his or her risk of heart disease.
On the other hand lack of compassion is a heart-killer disease. Most relationships die slowly for lack of compassion. Compassion therefore contributes far more happiness in relationships than in passion love.
Consider a young wife who was diagnosed with cancer of the breast. She went through a painful decision to have surgery because a woman without a breast is like a man without his manhood.
The mental, emotional and physical pain continued after surgery but the husband completely ignored her. He wouldn’t even share a bed with her or touch her in any way.
He claimed he loved his wife but she needed him most, he let her down because he has passionate love but no compassion .
Compare this with a prominent lawyer whose husband developed kidney problems. She immediately stopped her lucrative practice to give all her attention to her husband. She travelled all over with him and eventually donated her kidney to save her husband. This is compassion.
Showing compassion begins with appreciation of your own weakness as any weakness you see can happen to you. If you do not have the weaknesses of your partner it is not by your effort but by God’s grace.
Also appreciate that the main reason of a relation is companionship and support. This attitude makes it easy to help heal the pain or your lover.
Let go ego. Stop thinking so much about yourself. Resolve to listen instead of lashing out. do things for your lover without being asked to so that you reduce the burden on him or her.
Focus on the good side of your lover and appreciate everything your lover does even when you see it as little or expected. Speak your lover’s love language.
Appreciate the pain of your lover even when you see it is his or her fault. Work through your issue through effective communication.
Show love and care. When everyone is leaving the door of your lover be the one who enters. Stand by your lover through thick and thin.
Compassion, love in action
Compassion is about understanding and comforting. You need it to form an emotional bond. If compassion decreases selfishness increases and makes simple problems bigger. whatever you fight about is a reflection of compassion you do not show.
On the other hand, compassion of a lover who knows your faults and accepts you for who you are is the best thing you can have in your life. If you look at each other with compassion you find there is more to build and share.
The best way to grow your relationship is not to manipulate change in your lover but to focus on compassion by validation, understanding and loving connection.
If you think you love your partner, live it with compassion because it is love in action.
By John Boakye / The Mirror / Ghana