How did things get off track?
Often the hardest aspect is trying to understand what the man in our life is thinking. Michael French, author of Why Men Fall Out of Love: What Every Woman Needs to Understand, explains why men fall out of love, and offers tips on how to bring some excitement back into any marriage or relationship. In his book, French presents a fascinating look at men’s deepest feelings, identifying the key issues that can unravel even the tightest bonds, and has even identified the four top relationship busters:
Loss of intimacy
When a man feels rejected by his partner
The quest for validation
Which stems from low self-esteem, and a man’s continual search for approval and acceptance
The perfection impulse
The tendency of men to mask low self-esteem with achievement
The fading of attraction
When men tell their partners they’re no longer attracted to them, they’re masking the real reason for their loss of interest — that they’re not getting enough love
“Libido is like a muscle — use it or lose it! That means you have to make a habit of lovemaking. The more you do it — the more you’ll feel like doing it,” says Jennifer Oikle, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in relationship coaching. So, ladies, you heard the doctor, go out and get some “exercise.”
What motivates men?
According to Dr. Cheryl McClary PhD, JD, a women’s health professor and the author of The Commitment Chronicles — The Power of Staying Together, men are not motivated by simply wanting to have a better relationship. Instead, men are motivated by:
Fear: of losing, and of change
Greed: for food and for money
Lust: for you and for his toys
“In a way, men sometimes are like cute pet puppies. A man would much rather roll around in the mud or dig holes in the yard than spend time making his relationship better,” Dr. McClary says.
“Now I am not saying men are like dogs or that they should come panting when you whistle. I am saying that many lessons about living with men can be learned from observing ever-faithful canine companions.”
All obedience schools are based on the reward system, she says, so it’s probably worth applying some of their basic principles.
How to improve your relationship:
Remember that what you want is a responsive, attentive companion.
Be persistent and consistent in teaching him what you expect.
Communicate your needs clearly.
Model gentle, loving behavior.
Lavish him with rewards (which will reward you too!).