On which day will Fathers’ Day 2017 fall? Why am I even asking you this question when I have a calendar on my phone?
Excuse me a minute, let me check. Oooh, it’s passed already? Ooooooh, how did I miss the date? Did you miss it too?
Oh, if you were expecting my wishes but received none, kindly accept my apologies. I am awesomely and frightfully sorry. But how come no one made no noise about that special day? Eh?
It’s true, I have no father at the moment. Mine has gone to join the army of saints above. But that didn’t warrant my forgetfulness. I feel so bad.
But why didn’t anyone make noise about the special day? Or would I have remembered the day if Obodai were to have returned from his trek in the Volta Region? Mmmm, I don’t think his presence would have made a difference, anyway.
You see, he never wishes me “Happy Mother’s Day” so I don’t wish him a “Happy Father’s Day” either. Right from the onset of our living together, he told me I wasn’t his mother so I shouldn’t ever expect a wish from him on Mother’s Day.
I held on fast to his caution, I do well to reciprocate his “wishlessness” in great measure. So even if he were to be around, I still wouldn’t have remembered.
How come the special day for the men that made us passed by so quietly? Or are we trying to say fathers play no roles in our lives? What a shame.
This is pure bias. Pure bias. See the noise we all make about Mother’s Day. Why don’t we do same for the men without whom our mothers wouldn’t have had their roles? Excuse me, I have a phone call. Let me clear this backlog of chat with my friend Asabea and continue spinning my story ….
Aaagh, I am back. As we caught up on our discussions, I asked Asabea, “so what did you do for Frank on Father’s Day?” Frank is her husband.
She laughed out loudly for about 30 seconds and said, “Ablah, Frank? Frank isn’t my father? For goodness sake, he’s my husband, the father of my children.
“But you still should have given him a present on behalf of your children. Abeiku is eight, he can appreciate what the day stands for”, I rebuked her as though I had given mine a truck load of goodies.
“Ablah, save your breath. I didn’t have enough money on me to cause me to consider buying him anything on behalf of his sons. Perhaps, if he had given me the house-keeping money I had requested for since Monday last week, I could have saved something small to buy him a gift.
But hey, he couldn’t be bothered about the cash delay. Why then was I to bother getting him anything?” Asabea said in her typical respectful Akuapem dialect.
“Eigh, so Asabea, after all Frank does for you, and this fat salary you take, you mean …” Without allowing me to complete my sentence she interrupted saying, “Ablah, I had nothing save breast milk to give him. That was all I had at midnight on Saturday.
Believe it or not, he sucked as though he had just been born. When he was done, I said to him, Happy Father’s Day, and slept. He slept so well at my side after taking his fill; that joy, I’m sure, will carry him through the rest of the year with great strength,” said the lactating wife who laughed as she confessed her deed of kindness.
“Asabea, you mean you literally gave the milk meant for Yoofi to his father? Are you serious? Do you mean you put your breast in his mouth to suckle? Kaiii kai kai”.
I just couldn’t think of such a grown man competing with his four-month old son in respect of breast milk. Ooooh, typing Asabea’s case makes me nauseous. Kai.
Couldn’t Frank have resisted that gift which didn’t seem to be given out willing by Asabea? What at all is it about the breasts of women that men cannot fend off? Why, are those two mounds the seats of their souls or what?
Agh, I began to imagine Asabea’s well stimulated mammary glands gushing out for Frank’s proper satiation. I could almost see how lined-up milk streamed down his filled mouth in ecstasy.
Agh, Frank! I’m sure he’s looking and feeling very healthy, considering the health benefits breast milk gives: lower risks of allergies, reduced ear infections, optimal brain development, strengthened immune system, but to mention a few. Frank paaa, what a way to have a fulfilled Father’s Day celebration. I am disappointed.
“Asabea, I hope you remembered to wash thoroughly your nipples before breastfeeding your baby afterwards?” To this question she laughed and laughed and said, almost choking on her speech, “of course I did. Ablah, I know you’re imagining things. Stop sounding like my mother”, she said, still laughing, and then cut the line.
This year’s Father’s Day wasn’t impressive at all. You who are as guilty as charged, repent. I won’t let you repeat this misdeed in 2018. Never!