Free thine Crotch

BY: email from Sandra
relationship on phone
relationship on phone

Do you overly admire the display pictures of people on their WhatsApp pages? Hm! A gentleman I know, Yaw, is so disappointed; he’s broken his own heart.

He told me a few days ago that a friend of his had added him to a WhatsApp group.  He seemed very excited about the group.  He would forward insightful posts from that particular platform to me and tell me about his new friends etc.

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A few days ago, he forwarded a photograph of an awesomely pretty young lady and asked me to join him in prayer for a successful proposal – he had fallen for her and would like her to be his wife.

Yaw, 32 years old, seems to have “PoP” on his mouth when it comes to proposing to ladies.  So when he told me that this time around, he was serious in getting this lady to be his girlfriend and subsequently, his wife, I was very happy and wished him. 

An excited Yaw kept sending me photos of this person almost every other day, because the lady, as it were, kept changing her display photographs. And I must say, she was strikingly beautiful.  Flawless!

Saving photographs of a person and praying incessantly about her, was no sure way of having one’s proposal accepted.  I asked him to put his faith into action by verbally befriending the lady.

He heeded to that guidance and phoned the number.  According to him, a lady picked the call and was so pleasant and receptive.  His joy in whatever conversation they were having kept heightening until he commented on her photographs. That was when the lady began to cry.

“Antie Ablah, she wept hysterically, I got confused as to why a woman should cry at such a compliment”, he said.  “Antie Ablah, I was so distraught to the extent that I went speechless for the entire two or so minutes that she cried on the phone.

When she had calmed down, she thanked me for admiring the photos and said, “she’s my younger sister.  We lost her after a short illness. She will be interred next week”.  Yaw’s voice was sullen as he narrated his experience.

“Antie, the person I had been praying for as a wife, was actually no more. My heart began to beat faster and faster because I had held her photo to my face so many times, I used to fantasise walking with her, holding hands, and in some cases, sitting with her alone at a beach or a cool place. 

Hm, I found a way of comforting my group member and hanged up.  Somehow, she forwarded her real photograph to me after our chat, and I found out she was way older in looks than me.  I am so disappointed.  Now I can’t get her sister’s picture out of my mind”. 

I felt so sad for Yaw.  Just when I thought he had finally found the kind of person he wished to marry someday. I wish I could bring you the rest of the story but a gentleman is provoking me to divert my thoughts right now.

Agh, why at all do some people place fashion over health?  Eh?  Why?  A gentleman just left my office.  I have really advised him from the depths of my heart.  Whether or not he pretended, I can’t tell. 

All I know is he looked remorseful, subdued, and grateful at the same time.  He thanked me for drawing his attention to something he hadn’t really thought about – tight jeans/skin-tight trousers.

He had come to present a proposal which introduced his company’s catering services.  About four and a half feet in height, this plump gentleman who could pass for a 30-year old was clad in a nice round-necked short-sleeve batik shirt.  He wore it over a skin-tight pair of jeans which made his legs look ridiculously slender.  Was that his definition of fashion?

Well, he didn’t meet my colleague who was to attend to him so being the available person in the department, he had to hand his brown envelop over to me.  As he did, his car keys fell on the floor.  Need I describe the struggle he dramatised in picking up the single key which was hooked to a key holder? Huh, luck was on his side else the stitched mid-section of his jeans, running from his crotch section to the back of his butt would have ripped open.

How could anyone go through the day in such a tight pair of jeans? In this heat?  How did he manage to sit and drive in those?  Was he aware the equal tightness around his waist could put too much pressure on his bladder and stomach?

Oh you should have seen how puffed-up the appendages hanging down his pelvic region were.  Who was he trying to impress?  Who cared if he was very well endowed in the pelvic area or not?

Did he not know that if he continued to wear tight jeans or trousers his testicles stood to become twisted?  Did he not?  Oh I pitied his crotch area which looked as though they would pop out of their holders at any moment.

You see, I became very particular about tight trousers worn by both males and females after watching a programme on TV.  It discussed the hazards we caused ourselves each time we wore such skin-huggers.  I learnt that they could cause the crotch area in men to warm up and eventually cause low sperm count.  They could cause infection and urinary tract infection in women too. 

The programme even gave the statistics of men who suffered infertility as a result of wearing tight trousers. Depending on the various postures one stood or sat, according to the documentary, damage to the muscles and nerves fibers in the wearer’s legs could be caused.

That programme was an eye opener.  I had about two or so hip-hugging jeans in my wardrobe.  Not long after that education, I ‘dashed’ them out.  Oh, I used to love seeing my contours concaved in each pair, especially when I wore short tops above them. 

But I chose to put health over fashion.  I let them go.  Are you holding on to yours or letting go?  Give your crotch area some freedom!


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