The black and white keys of marriage

Last week, one of the greatest schools in Africa, and obviously the very best in Ghana, Achimota School, a grey city founded on outlaw hill, celebrated its 90th anniversary.

The founding fathers had a vision for the school; to produce men and women who would go out as ‘living waters to a thirsty land’.

The school also has on its crest the black and white keys of the piano. The philosophy behind this crest is that you could play music only on black or white keys but it is only when you combine the black and white keys that you get a harmonious music.

Nothing illustrates marriage better than the black and white keys of Achimota School. When man was created, God saw it was not good for him to be alone.

In creating the woman, God saw what was lacking in the man and put them in the woman. A man and woman are, therefore, equal but uniquely different with their strengths and weaknesses.

Husband and wife form the black keys of marriage. There are some things only a woman can do better and there are some only a man can do better.

It is only when husband and wife, like black and white keys of Achimota crest, combine their unique abilities by playing different roles at the same time that we have mutual fulfilment in marriage. Call it harmony.

How to achieve harmony in marriage

• Put the focus on yourself. A man must stand strong in his masculinity and a woman in her femininity. This also means you don’t attempt to change your partner. Change yourself instead.

As you improve your partner who is one flesh with you gets better. Stop blaming your partner, instead, help him or her to get better by loving him or her unconditionally.

• Know your partner very well: His temperament likes and dislikes. Treat your partner how he\she wants to be treated not how you think he\she must be treated. This becomes easier if you tell each other what you expect in a relationship. You must make mutual decisions on all important issues including sex, money, family planning, in laws and parenting.
• Keep your rules active. A man should be the leader in a relationship. He must also love and know his woman. A woman should be submissive and a helpmate. Men respond more to women who are open to care and love.

A woman who claims not to need his man breaks down his ego and threatens the relationship.

It is also important for the woman never to assume the role of a leader even if she is older, richer or more intelligent. No man accepts this. You only create discord.

Women who pride themselves with power, aggression, and intimidation always have problems sustaining a relationship.

A fulfilling relationship has no room for Bejing, women empowerment, women liberation, affirmative actions and gender advocates.

Once you destroy God given roles, you lose the harmony in your relationship. You must also appreciate the fact that the topmost needs of a man are respect, sex, attractive wife, domestic care; the topmost needs of a woman are affection, companionship, financial support and family commitment.

If couples meet their partner's topmost needs, even when they disagree temporarily harmony will persist.

• Establish a work and relationship balance. No job can be more important than your relationship. If you give top priority to your marriage and play your roles well, other activities fall in place.

It is a fact that a man defines himself by what he achieves and tends to focus on more on work but marriage should be the cornerstone of your life.

• Set boundaries. Certain issues within your marriage must never be known to anyone else. This means you must never discuss what your lover discusses with you in private. Friends, co- workers and in-laws can create great discord in your relationship.

Always remember the two of you can handle all your issues. As much as possible avoid third party interventions.

• Give space and privacy to each other. Allow each other to look in and develop his unique identity. Too much time together can be stiffening and boring.

 Harmony grows with your unique individuality. It is important to appreciate that no matter how much a man loves a woman, he occasionally withdraws from her. He needs space to solve problems.

If there are issues he doesn’t want to discuss leave him alone. At the right time after he has solved the problem, he will come out of his cave, a better lover.

The black/white keys of marriage

Men and women are different just like black and white keys of a piano. Our differences do not mean better or worse, inferior or superior. We just play different and unique roles like the black and white keys of the piano.

Just as music sounds good only when the black and white keys are combined properly, so will your marriage be wonderful as you play your roles well.

Single life is like playing music with only black or white keys. It is insufficient and incomplete. Therefore, God desires that as far as possible, you marry and combine your unique abilities.

 Like the black and white keys of the piano, play your God assigned roles to make your marriage sound good in your ears. Be like the black and white keys of the Achimota crest. Make every effort to play your part well so that you can live in harmony.