Love is strange. It is the commonest word in the world and in the Bible. We think we feel it and yet no one knows exactly what love is. It is like electricity; even though we see it at work, we really do not know what it is.
Love, therefore, means different things to different people, depending on factors such as faith, life experience and cultural upbringing. Akans, for example, say ‘odo ye owu’ or love is sacrificing for another.
One scientific theory of love is that as your friendship develops you may develop a ‘mystical spark’ during which your brain releases cocktail of chemicals such as dopamine, enkephalins and epinephrine which contributes to a rosy outlook of life. You feel special, energised and better.
It is also a fact that a woman is slower to fall in love. She needs more time to adjust to a change because a woman has greater emotional identity. She is more in touch with her feelings and is careful in allowing herself to be carried away.
However, once a woman decides on a man, she becomes more intensely emotional and romantic.
Signs that you are in love
It is magical to fall in love. Nothing makes you better than when you are together because you think he or she makes you feel comfortable, important and secure and that without him or her, you feel empty. You are, therefore, never too busy for your lover and it feels it will last forever.
You always think of your lover and want to know everything about him or her. You want to call or expect calls often because you lover makes you laugh and feel important, valued and cherished.
You resolve your conflicts because you accept the flaws of your lover and are prepared to compromise. You talk often about your lover and almost everything reminds you of him or her. Some women lose their appetite.
The most important indicator you are in love is that everything about him or her becomes important to you and you are prepared to sacrifice to make your lover better.
Signs that you are falling out of love
Attraction is less and you feel your emotional needs are not being met; a woman sees among others, less affection and companionship while a man sees among others less respect. Spending time with your lover now gets exhaustive and you develop different interests.
Communication becomes ineffective because you do not want to talk about or you do not listen to each other. You focus on the weaknesses of your lover and fight over frivolous issues. Trust is gone and you fantasise life without your lover.
You merely tolerate or accommodate your lover for personal benefits – a man needs sex and a woman needs financial assistance. Sometimes you avoid your lover and hope he or she will know you are no longer interested in the relationship. You are unhappy and tell the world how frustrated you are in your relationship.
Are you falling out of love?
Romantic love fades and may last from few months to few years after which realities of life take over. Falling in love is, therefore, temporary.
Therefore falling out of love is normal and does not mean you stop loving your partner. It is just that the ‘in love’ feeling tends to pass away as you stay together and keep doing the same things over and over.
If you think you are falling out of love, first determine if you want the relationship or not. If you want to keep your relationship make effort to rebuild your love.
According to Stemberg, a marriage expert, you need three things to rebuild your love; passion, intimacy and commitment. With these you can fall in love over and over again with the same person.
If it is a situation of you wanting the relationship but your lover appearing uninterested, find time to talk about your fears and settle your issues. If your lover still wants out, hug and say goodbye.
A relationship is about two people sharing their hearts. If one partner falls out of love and does not want the relationship, you can never have true love.
Are you falling out of love? Find the root cause and choose what is best for you.